11.30.2008

Left, Im sleeping now.

Im going to bed now. and Im sick, fyi, I dont have crdt. So, i cant reply any sms. So sorry. Im sick. real sick. Goin to be away for awhile. C ya.

xo.

Sleepy & Love Wink

Im sleepy, the leftover from yesterday was all eaten by my mom n my lil bro. So i don't have to eat it. Lucky, am i right? but it was a good dinner yesterday, imean on friday night. im sleepy, i need to sleep after this. I will become a zombie sooner or later if i dont sleep, my eyes will makes you wanna run away from me. haha. Let's say now, im better, a whole new perspective and new me. That's it. Im happy with everyone around me and her, who caught my attention. Every minute of life, you gotta cherish it, don't waste it. You will regret when you turn 50's and starts blabbing to your kids and grandchildren that you didn't do much when you were younger. So, do something useful and makes you happy, okay people? :)

Im kinda understand the whole agenda of life again, if we just sit, wait and not taking any chances or risk, we'll regret one day. At least, every love worth a sacrifice to be. Jump from your seat and start making changes and difference in your own life peeps. Im talking serious, no jokes. and not like a fake. And to you, you know who you are, please have a little faith in me and it will works out if we want to. Time will show us the way and the flow it goes.

I know, you might think i need a serious help. and i already got one, perhaps. :) Just that im happy that someone actually care for me. That's it. Im happy for you to be there for me. Thanks, again.

Im leaving you all a beautiful lyrics by Wonder Girls - Nobody.

You Know I still Love You Baby.
And it will never change.

I want nobody nobody But You, I want nobody nobody But You
Nandareun sarameun silheo nigaanimyeon silheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

Nan silheunde wae nar mir eonaeryeogohani jakku naemareun deutji anhgo
Wae ireohge dareun namjaege narbonaeryeo hani eotteohge ireoni

Nar wihae geureoh dan geumar
Neonbujok hadaneun geumar
Ijen geuman haeneon nareur aljanha wae won hajido anhneun georgang yohae

I want nobody nobody But You I want nobody nobody But You
Nandareun sarameun silheo niga animyeon silheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

I want nobody nobody But You I want nobody nobody But You
Nandareun sarameun silheo niga animyeon silheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

Nan joheun de nan haengbok hande neoman isseu myeondwae deo baral geeopt neunde
Nugur mannaseo haengbok haran geoya nan neor tteonaseo haengbok harsueopseo

Nar wihae geureoh dan geumar
Neonbujok hadaneun geumar
Mari andoeneun mari ran georwae molla niga eopsi eotteohge haengbokhae

I want nobody nobody But You I want nobody nobody But You
Nandareun sarameun silheo niga animyeon silh eo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

I want nobody nobody But You I want nobody nobody But You

Nandareun sarameun silheo niga animyeon silheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

I don't want nobody body body.I don't want nobody body
Naneun jeongmar niga animyeon niga animyeon silhdan maryaa~

I want nobody nobody But You I want nobody nobody But You
Nandareun sarameun silheo niga animyeon silheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

I want nobody nobody But You I want nobody nobody But You
Nandareun sarameun silheo niga animyeon silheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

RAP)
Back to the days when we were so young and wild and free
Modeunge neomuna kkumman gatatdeon geuttaero doragago sipeunde
Waejakku nareur mireo naeryeohae

Why do you push me away. I don't want nobody nobody

Nobody nobody but you.

and a lyric by Mandy Moore's Have a Little Faith in Me


When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Let my love throw a spark
Have a little faith in me

And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try baby and
Have a little faith, faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me, oh and
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith, faith in me

When your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here baby, from a whisper start
To have a little faith in me

And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you, you will see
I will catch your, I will catch your fall just
Have a little faith, faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith, faith in me

I've been loving you for such a long, long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend
Cos for us there is no end
All you gotta do is have a little faith in me

I will hold you up, I will hold you up and
Your love gives me strength enough to
Have a little faith in me
Oh faith, darlin'

Have a little faith in me
Oh, faith

xo

11.27.2008

Bayang

Saya hilang bayang diri saya.
Saya terus lenyap dari diri saya.
Dan akan hanyut dalam gelap
Semoga awak temu bahagia.

:)

Rejection

Sometimes, when I was in a train to some place, this topic always came up in my mind. Somehow, I couldn’t get the right and great answer of it. How does it feel to be rejected and to reject someone? How you handle rejection? Obviously, I’m one of the guys who always get rejections. I don’t mind saying it out loudly because that’s the fact I’m living in. we couldn’t hide the rejection, it’s always plays in our mind, isn’t? I used to reject two persons. Only two, because I didn’t like both of them personally. They appeared boring and I know if they couple with me, they would just want to show off to their friends that they got a guy that has look(I can’t deny the fact that I have looks!), and so on. I totally gave my best answer and politely rejected them, in words – ‘I’m sorry, I can’t be your boyfriend, it’s not about you, it’s about me, practically you came at the wrong time, I just broke up with my girlfriend, and you want me now? I’m sorry, that’s not gonna happen in future, but hey, you know what, if fate said that we are gonna be together, we will meet again one day and be a couple, don’t waste your time on me.’

And of course, they could take the rejection perfectly because they understand my situation here. But that was a past, I guess. So now, I could bear the pain and the tears of rejection that I get. I get a lot. A lot of them, and the next thing after I got the rejection, the girl I used to like, couple with somebody else. Once a girl, rejected me by saying ‘you know what, I think I’m not ready for a relationship… I’m sorry’ and after a week, she couple with someone. Shockingly true! So to be truth, being rejected is a pain unless you don’t know the news or any story of the person you like after she rejected you, then it’s ok! I can’t bear with the pains and tears… it was last time. For now, I’m getting used to it and I’d made my decision yesterday, to stop everything that im doing, e.g. finding love. It’s never ending finding but hey, for now, I had enough of it. Full of rejection, it makes me feel like vomit to thousand times more.

Rejection is always a pain. No matter how you get the rejection. Even the rejection that you may get from your colleagues at work and love, absolutely can make you heart shattered to the pieces of shit. No jokes. I experienced it all before. My experience of getting rejection is totally fucked up. Honestly, being reject by a girl sounds like sad, but when you think back, you probably wanna say this to her, ‘you know what, you lose me, you lose the guy that will make you happy every day, instead of me, you choose the jerks.’ All the girls I used to like then and what I heard now, some of them are not happy with their partners. Why is that? It was their decision at first, and now they get the payback. I’m happy to hear that they get the shits. It makes me think that they are the one who will feel wasted by letting me go.

This time around, Im tired of trying so hard to get a girl. Eventually, I said this to her, ‘Maybe I should just stop putting hopes on you.’ You know what she replied, surprisingly she even made me wake up from my dream, ‘errr.. Maybe you should’ yes, take that as somehow, you are actually going to get rejected if you start or will say, ‘WILL YOU BE MY GF?’ So now, what im gonna tell you is stop looking around, be yourself and have fun and who knows you might get one sooner or later. Don’t feel too pressure by rejection. Sometimes, rejections make you wake yourself up from the dreamland or what so ever you wanna call it. I got mine today and I hope you got yours too. I had enough of this. Im tired. I wanna stop all this things because I know, even if im not trying so hard, I will get the same answer: ‘You’re kind and sweet but not my type.’ I would love to say, ‘Fuck it. Then, don’t ever open your hearts and still keep flirting with me if you don’t want me at first!’

Yes, that is the best answer so far I could think. Guys, it is better if you watch porn or jerk your dick off than thinking a girl who might reject you or what. Just be yourself and have lots of enjoyment, fun and healthy life, you will be able to get over the rejection. Seriously, believe it or not it will make you become one.

xoxo

11.26.2008

Separuh

Entah. Tetiba rasa begini.
Tak tahu mengapa terjadi.
Rasa hati tiba-tiba mahu lari.
Tapi tak tahu nak ke mana lagi.

Semua tempat pernah dilalui,
dengan pelbagai kerenah dilihati,
menjadi diri semakin separuh mati,
dan separuh hilang.

Entah. Tetiba rasa begitu.
Bagai mahu melepaskan semua.
Entah. Tetiba kenapa rasa benci.
Rasa marah. Rasa Kecewa. Rasa menyampah.
Semua pun ada dan datang kembali.

Aku. Aku. Aku.
Separuh gila,
Separuh hilang,
Separuh mati
kerana keberadaanmu yang
tak bisa untuk aku bersama dengan.

Jauh, Jauh dan Jauh.
Ruang untuk kita berbicara,
Seolah-olah tiada langsung,
Mengapa ini terjadi,
Mengapa membisu,
Mengapa begini.

Aku entah.
Aku tak tahu.
Apakah gelora dihatimu.
Aku seperti orang bodoh.
Seperti orang kebodohan.

Aku...
Kadang-kala mahu melepaskan...
kerana aku tak mampu bertahan...
Atau membiarkan kamu pergi sahaja...
Mungkin itu yang terbaik, bukan?

Half Dead?

Just now, i had a minor heart problem and breathing problem. I think my old disease is coming back now. I know i should have start to stop smoking, the problem is, i can't and i don't know how. it is hard, you know.. i tried before, i couldn't and now i really need to stop. Put me in a rehab or something. Im scared that things will get worse. Honestly, after 15 years, it starts to come back.

Im scared. Im scared that i don't have enough time.
Its very painful. If you could ever imagine it. All in my mind just now was, 'Oh my god, don't let me be in the hospital. I don't want to die yet.'

Im scared!

Someone save me, please!

11.24.2008

Penat

entah kenapa rasa diri begitu lelah
lelah dengan apa?
kerja? dia? rumah?
entah,
bila fikirkan rasa penat

lelah begini
lelah sangat lelah
nak tido susah,
nak makan susah,
nak mandi pun susah

tapi
saya rindu dia
saya sangat rindukan dia
dia si bulan yang menemani saya
saya rindu sangat-sangat kat dia,
oh cahaya,
sampaikan rindu ini padanya, ok?

Rindu dan penat hari ini,
walaupun tetiba tiada balasan sms dari dia.
Tak apalah, mungkin si dia sibuk,
Ya, saya cuba memahami.
dan telah memahami.

:)

RINDU.

xx

11.23.2008

Bahagia

Aku bahagia
Aku bahagia dengan kamu
Aku bahagia dengan dirimu
Aku bahagia jika kamu bersama aku

Aku sendiri berbeza
Aku sendiri berlainan
Aku lebih yakin
Aku lebih tenang

Mungkin kamu yang terhasil
Mungkin kamu yang membahagiakan
Mungkin kamu yang berada
Mungkin kamu yang merindui

Benar, kamu yang hasil sayangku
Kamu yang bahagiakan jiwaku
Kamu yang berada disampingku
Kamu yang aku rindui

Tiba masa,
kita akan bersama
aku kan bersabar
menanti hari itu

I love weddings!

Yes, the wedding season is back, everyone include my relatives is having weddings. More wedding to attend soon. Just now, i went to aunt Siti and uncle Yusoff's son wedding, Fadil & Zaffan at Dewan Perdana Felda. I was amazed, what a beautiful wedding in my heart. I'm so jealous to see everyone is fuss about getting married, not my friends but my relatives. My cousin's Zetty is getting married on 13 Dec, reception on 14 Dec. Aunt's Ipah son, Nazmir is getting married next week, Dahlia is getting engage soon. Oh my, people getting older and marriage is on the road yeah? I, suddenly, think of what kind of wedding my wedding would be. I plan to make it as simple as it can.

Venue: Mandarin Oriental Hotel, KL.
For: Nikah. No reception. No sanding2.
Invitation: Everyone i know!
Food & Drinks: Malay tradition food.
Table arrangement: Yes.
Pax: 500 people.
Flower girls: No. change to Flower boys.
Clothes: My bride must wear a beautiful white gown. Me, a full set tuxedo. and a change of Baju melayu.

That's all i guess. hereby, i attach the sketch of how my plan gonna be. haha, im so full of dreams.

laugh!!.

what about you? have plan your own wedding? better start now! :p

xx

11.22.2008

Bisakah?

Daku Terasa Ingin Membawa
Cinta Yang Terlara Ke Titik Mula
Kembali Mencuba Untuk Kali Kedua
Menggilapkan Gerhana Jiwa

Pernah Ku Terasa Ingin Merayu
Pada Kasih Dulu Pulang Padaku
Lupakan Dosaku Putihkan Kelabu
Tenangkan Amarahmu
Namun…

Bisakah Yang Terpadam Dinyala
Bisakah Yang Terhina Dicinta
Walau Ku Himpunkan Sesalku
Bisakah Terbuka Kalbu

Naluri Meminta Kuungkap Kata
Seindah Bahasa Janjikan Setia
Akan Bersemilah Cinta Dihatinya
Percaya Ku Semula
Namun…

Bisakah Yang Benci Disayangi
Bisakah Yang Dusta Dimaafi
Walauku Himpunkan Sesalku
Bisakah Terbuka Kalbu

Bila Senduku Berlinang Sayu
Dalam Rindu Ku Tertanya

Bisakah Yang Benci Disayangi
Bisakah Hatiku Difahami
Walauku Himpunkan Sesalku
Bisakah Terbuka Kalbu

Dato' Siti Nurhaliza, Bisakah.

11.21.2008

Bernafas

Nafaslah aku,
Nafaslah kamu,
Nafaslah semua,
Nafaslah kita

Gila aku,
Gilakah?
Aku mahu senyap,
Tapi kamu,
Kamu masih berkata-kata

Seolah mimpi akan terpancar,
Yang tahu akan malap,
Yang tahu akan pergi,
Seolah mahu kembali lagi

Kalau itu pilihan kamu
Kalau ini pilihan aku
sudah berbeda bukan?
mana bisa kembali

Menyesallah kamu,
Menyesallah semua,
Angkara kata,
Tak bisa diungkap,
Sudah terungkap kelmarin

Aku dan Kamu,
Kini berbeda haluan,
Mana bisa bersama,
Kamu dan dirimu,
Mahu kini,

Aku dan diriku,
Mahu lain,
Mana bisa kembali,
Sudah terluka,
Biar terus terluka,

Aku akan terus pergi,
Dengan khayalan dan bayang wajahmu,
Bakal hari menjelang kini dan selamanya,
Bahagialah kamu,
Terasing bagiku,
Selamat tinggal sayangku.

Gelombang

Nasib ku dirundung malang
Sederas gelombang
Menghempas dipantai

Semalam aku ternoda
Dalam sinar cahaya
Dijendela

Tiada esok lagi
Gelap masa depan
Cemar hidup ini
Tiada erti

Hidup ku seperti badai
Tak henti gelora
Musnahlah segalanya
Perasaan dan harapan untuk hari esok
Tiada lagi

Oh tuhanku
Kepadamu ku pohon ampun
Doa restu....lindungi daku
Yang tidak berdaya dibumiMu ini..

Salamiah Hassan - Gelombang

*the song currently telling how am i feeling =]

take care all, will be away for awhile. BYE!

11.20.2008

Aku Bodoh

Aku Bodoh kerana memikirkan aku bisa bersama kamu
Aku Bodoh kerana membiarkan kamu meracuni aku
Aku juga bodoh kerana tidak memberi kamu masa
Aku sendirian bodoh...

Aku kebodohan menjadi mangsa diri sendiri
Aku kebodohan memilih untuk jalani hidup begini
Aku kebodohan kerana sering terluka oleh yang lain
Aku kebodohan memiliki hati seperti ini

Bodohkah aku mahukan kamu?
Bodohkah aku meminta untuk bersama kamu?
Bodohkah jiwa ini?
Bodohkah aku mempamerkan sayang ini?

Ya, ternyata aku bodoh dalam hal sebegini.
Ya, ternyata aku amat membodohkan diri aku.
Jelas, aku tidak bijak memilih haluan baru.
Jelas, aku akan terus dibelungi kesepian.

Biarkan sahaja aku begini,
Sampai mati,
Rasai sahaja kenikmatan kamu itu,
dengan celah dendam itu

Semoga dengan kebodohan aku terjelas,
Kamu bisa ubati jiwa kamu,
Aku bodoh,
Kerana semua orang perlukan cinta,
Dan aku tergolong dalam mereka.

Pergi sahaja kamu itu,
Aku akan melupakanmu.

Ok Then.

Ok then,
letting you go.

Bye.
Hope u happy!

=)

p/s: Im tired doe esok keje lagi.

Satu

Ya,
saya bukan milik awak,
awak bukan milik saya,
tapi
kenapa kita tidak mencuba?

adakah kita takut,
untuk mengejar bahagia?
atau awak hanya melayan saya seperti yang lain?
saya mahu awak tahu yang saya amat serius,
saya tak pernah ingin kecewakan awak.

kalau awak rasa ragu,
saya tak mampu lakukan apa,
namun apakan daya,
kata orang,
masa menentukan,
sampai bila?
sampai ada orang ketiga?

saya memang begini,
mengharap yang lain,
dengan awak,
kalau awak tak mahukan perhatian,
usah layani jiwa saya,
seperti kini awak bakal menghancuri hati saya.

dan apabila mentari naik,
saya nak awak tahu,
hati dan rasa ini milik awak,
tapi kalau awak tak mahu juga,
tidak mengapa,
saya rela menunggu.

seandainya menunggu itu lama,
biarkan,
lebih baik menyendiri,
dari terus dibelungi rasa ini.

Semoga awak sedar betapa besarnya sayang saya pada awak.
Saya harap satu hari nanti awak akan menyesal kerana tak pilih saya.
Saya mahu awak ingat sampai bila-bila bahawa,
sayang saya ini akan tetap bersemadi kepada diri awak.
kerana awaklah orang pertama yang betul-betul mengerti saya dan diri saya.

Saya pernah jahat,
saya telah berubah,
dulu saya kecewa,
kini saya gembira,
awak lah yang beri sinar itu kepada saya,
jelaslah, tanpa awak, mungkin saya masih seperti orang yang dulu.

awak banyak buka mata saya,
lihat dunia,
dan kini saya kecapi ia,
dan itu saya sayang awak,
saya tak mahu lepaskan awak,
saya tidak mahu awak tapi saya perlukan awak
untuk berada disisi saya sentiasa.

maafkan kalau saya menganggu hidup awak selama ini,
saya tak berniat sebegitu tapi saya mahukan
kepastian supaya saya dapat terus berdiri
untuk menyayangi awak.

namun,
andai takdir memisahkan,
saya terpaksa akur,
kerana itu tanda kuasa tuhan.

ketahuilah,
saya sayang awak dan
awaklah yang berjaya memikat hati saya
kerana bagi saya rupa paras bukan keutamaan,
kejujuran awak yang saya nampak.

terima kasih kerana berkenalan dengan saya,
biar lewat asalkan saya bahagia menerima berita awak selalu.

saya sayang awak!

take care awak!

11.19.2008

Looking In

video

You look at me and see the boy
Who lives inside the golden world
But don't believe
That's all there is to see
You'll never know the real me

He smiles through a thousand tears
And harbours adolescent fears
He dreams of all
That he can never be
He wades in insecurity
And hides himself inside of me

Don't say he takes it all for granted
I'm well aware of all I have
Don't think that I am disenchanted
Please understand

It seems as though I've always been

Somebody outside looking in
Well, here I am for all of them to bleed
But they can't take my heart from me
And they can't bring me to my knees
They'll never know the real me

a cover of mariah carey - looking in.

siapakah?

aku gembira dengan hadirnya,
aku gembira dengan suaranya,
aku gembira menatap gambarnya,
aku mahu terus rasa ini dalam diri,

apakah dia tahu?
apakah dia mengerti?
adakah dia mahu?
adakah dia rasa ini?

atau ini hanya gurauan?
aku keliru.
aku mahu.
dia malu.
diakah yang ku cari selama ini?

jangan teruskan begini,
nanti ada yang rugi,
kalau bebannya berat,
lepaskanlah,
bersamaku disisi.

siapakah kamu?
kamu, datanglah padaku.

11.10.2008

If Only

I know somehow, I couldn’t get a girl. I’m tired of searching. While searching is a no-no. I don’t want to meet new people. I just want to meet old friends and current ones because I miss them more than anything. I really like this phrase, ‘Friends come and go’ yes, it is true. They come to be your friends and then they go, wherever the ways lead them to. I’m done with all that, been there before. Mostly, people come to my life and some day, they will just go. I accept the fact. I remained the fact that nobody is perfect. You’ve to know when to let go and move on.

For now, I know the people who are really good and are there for me. I wish that they will stay for me forever. I know it’s a fact that people won’t stay for long, they leave. Yes, for me, people always leave. They leave me. They go, they come and they left. I’m still wondering who is the person that actually for me, and won’t leave me alone anymore. I know I shouldn’t be thinking about love or anything right now but I couldn’t help myself, I’ve been away for myself for such a long time. I’ve given all my time being a devoted friend to everyone but they have their own special someone and I’m left alone.

If only, I could get a girl but she refused to take me, I would tell her this, ‘I don’t want to like you, but to love you. I don’t just want to miss you, but tell you how lucky I am to have you. If you want to do anything you like, I won’t stop you, achieve it and you’re gonna be happy with what you have. If you need a shoulder to cry, you know where to find me. See in my eyes, you are the one. Because I don’t look for pretty girls for they are material people. I look for heart, the girl with heart will knows how guy like me fall for you.”

If only she know what it is all meant for, that I’d be glad. For me, being single is a no problem because I’m cool with it but it is been awhile, it is been such a time. I don’t want love or relationship based on sexual because I know it won’t last after all. It is stupid. Really, I’m telling you. If this anticipation is making me late and keeping me waiting, and I would love to tell you that it’s a wonderful experience to be with someone who really cares about you.

I believe, one day, the girl I’ve looked everywhere, will come herself to my way. I won’t be singing love song for you, I won’t be your cool boyfriend who drives you everywhere, but I’ll be for everything that you wished for. I’ll stay late at night, just thinking of you, dreaming of you. I’ll write your name over and over again on a paper. I’ll be your knight. But I gotta let you know, if you are looking for a real love, come and search for me. I’ll not be searching for you anymore, girl. I know you are there; you are just shy to come out to say it to me.

I’ll be waiting here because you know I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. If something might happens to me during that time, I would like you to know that it is God fate. Accept it. Like someone said to me recently, if it happens, it will happen. And I’ll keep it to myself. Cause I don’t want to be caught in a middle of the night being left out, and people inviting me over dinner just because they’re pity towards me because I’m lonely and had no one or what so ever.

I don’t want to be that person. Never will. So, if you are there, come out now. I’ve been waiting for you for such a long time and you don’t have to be afraid of anything because I’m all right here for you. I’d calm your nightmare. Look me in the eyes and you will get the whole part of me that have been taken away for such a long time. I will just wait for you, love. I know you will come and pass me by and be with me.

Yours Truly,

Lovers not forever but you meant so much to me - Zainal Afnan

11.06.2008

Realized

I realized something today; I want a relationship but not a relationship of being just a scandal. I want to spend my times with her. Just be with her all day long. I don’t know, people who wants me must be able to understand me and believe, trust in me because I stay not in KL but my finishing up my youth here, Kuching. I’ll be in KL just for a month or two and then, I fly back to here. It’s bored; I know but if you, want me to be with you, please believe in long distance relationship. That’s all I want in a relationship.

Kill me, if I’m too fast to forget someone but in fact, I really have to do this because it will affect my studies if I didn’t forget her now. I’m happy now. Please, make me happy, will you? Because everybody needs somebody like Keith Urban song ‘Everybody’ said. I need somebody to cheer me up and fill me in with fun and happy situation.

Trust me; I won’t twist anything in a relationship. That’s all from me for now.

P/S: Thanks to Kiki for awarded my blog is a must blog to read. Betul eh? Tah, I pun tak sure apakah the thang. =)

Im happy now........ HAPPPPPPPPY.

Yours Truly,

Want to be free – Zainal Afnan

Please Don't Care

I don’t know what to write exactly. But a friend of mine suggested that I should write about people shouldn’t care what others think of our self. Why should we care? It doesn’t matter anyway. I tried doing it and I guess it works for me. This semester, I was half going to crazy because of a rumors that was being spread by a junior that now I totally ignore. It was so stupid and how could you face the public when people talks about you every day, you see people staring at you and so on. I was so embarrassed by this action of that bastard.

I was under pressure because so many people came up to me and ask me the same question. I was so tired to answer to all the question and what I said was, ‘Kalau tak keluar dari mulut aku, tolong jangan percaya fitnah dan cerita-cerita bodoh tu, siapa dia nak cakap macam tu, dah la pengecut, tak nak face to face.’ That’s the word I said to all my friends. I was so happy and felt relieved that my friends in UiTM Samarahan and my best friends back at Malaya supported me so good till I cried so badly. I couldn’t believe that I have great cliques of friends here and at Malaya that helped me through this shit.

Because I don’t like hypocrites’ people who talked about you behind your back and when they face you up, they act so fucking good and ‘cool’. I would say, if someone talks shit about you behind your back and spread it around through your college, school, and work place or whenever you are, ignore it. Just take it as jealousy. People are jealous with what you have. And now, honestly, if people wanna say something bad about me, go ahead, make a point and you won’t have it because you don’t even know me.

To the people who spreads it to their friends or whoever tries to at least know me first before you talked about me because the only thing you get is nothing and you are only making me famous day by day. I would say that to your fucking face. I’m tired with all this bull shit that happens around me and now, regardless, I don’t want to even care yet I’ve managed to do so. I’m a happy person and you now, see the different me, how I treat a person and how I treat myself. Some people tried to approach me, I know, it is good but I just don’t like it if you want something from me and that’s why you want to be friends with me. Please, don’t. I will just treat you like, er, what the hell do you want from me.

If people talks about you, they actually don’t know you. They make an assumption that they think is true yet they don’t even know the whole part of you. They want to bring you down but they should know that you are not easy. Why should jealousy be a matter? I don’t understand why but for now I know why, the answer is you are better than them. Another thing is, I don’t know why people keep staring at me, I mean, did I hurt you or something but now, I ignored all those eyes. It’s like they want to know who am I friends with, what I will do, what I will eat and drinks, who I hang out with and so on.

People, get a life. Do something else, will you? And people, who have been in the same situation as me, just ignore and please don’t care about what others say about you. After all, you, yourself know what the best is for you and who you are exactly. Not others. If they tries to bring you down, be strong and pray to god, and you know you have me as a friend.

Yours truly,

Im just another human being – Zainal Afnan

11.04.2008

How to Forget You

I see this word has a very deep meaning. Yes, it does. How to forget someone? Literally, you could but you just don’t know. You just wish that you could forget that person by a click, am I right? Well, to be honest, it is hard for you and for everyone to forget someone that you really care and adore all this while, to make that person disappeared from you are hard. When you are in the surrounding that in your college, work place or whenever you could see that someone face, it will make you harder to forget. I believe and I already saw and it does happen to me too. I saw it through my best friends and people close to me, it is hard, and it is a pain to forget. Believe it or not, you actually can’t, unless you have the superpower or short term memory than it will.

Forgetting someone is totally a need when you already finish or done in a relationship that you’ve been through. Yes, I believe in that too. Perhaps, you need a time like Leona Lewis song, ‘Better in Time’. It could be better in time and worse too, it is how you handle it. You wished you could erase the fact, the moment, the love and everything about that someone, but you’re actually weak, you can’t, and you just don’t know how. If it making you feel sick, pain and can’t move on, why not, try to do and make yourself busy? Maybe it will make you not to think of that person for a little while and slowly, it will make erase the entire story of her/him.

I was in a situation where I couldn’t forget her. Basically, I need time but this time around, it is very hard. Usually I take about few days to do so but this has making me feel more pain and useless. Everywhere I go, the shadow of her is still there. Even, I’m with my friends to study or just hanging around to laze our self, the shadow of her is still there. And totally, it made me feel so uneasy to stay at a place. I don’t know how some people could just forget and move on, I mean like, you see that person most of the days and it will haunt you, don’t you think so? I saw it through my best friend; I don’t know how he could just easily forget his ex and still looking for another love. Yes, I tried to be busy, I tried to do so many things but in my mind, her voice, her face is still flying through.

I wished I didn’t know her, but fate brought us together even though not as a pair but the whole part of me still wants her to get out from my head. I don’t know, maybe by this time, she already forget me and move on. I want to meet someone new but it is too early because I do think that I need a time for myself too. I need time to be me again, to be the person who I used to be. Sometimes, she makes me want to be the old me, the party person but I know I can’t. I’ve promised myself that I’m not going to turn back to the old me because I think I’m bored with my old life that’s why now I’m a different person, totally.

Sometimes, I also wonder, doesn’t it make you feel bored by doing the same thing? Like playing those games with a girl, you go clubbing, you had sex with stranger and being 24-7 hours with your girlfriend and no time for your friends? Maybe for some, it will helps to forget someone but not for me. I totally don’t understand why for some, sex before marriage is a must-do-thing. I don’t see it as ‘Love’ because eventually you will regret. Regret of doing it when you broke up or ended your relationship with your scandal. And some day, you will think and say this to yourself, ‘Oh my God, I’m so fucking stupid!’

Yes, forgetting about what you did also will be hard. Like a wisdom said, ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix’ but you got to fix what is already broken. And if you get that person so hardly, then will be a hard time to forget. If you get someone easily, then you will forget easily. I hope to forget her soon. To forget everything that is so painful to me. and to that person, please let me forget you, at least for now. That’s all what I wish.

Song recommended listening while forgetting someone – Maafkan by BBB.

Yours Truly,
Not So Good at Forgetting – Zainal Afnan