1.31.2009

Ada Masa Baca, Ada Mata Fikir

adakah kita ingat dengan nama jalan,
nama teman dan nama laluan
yang kita sering lalui sepanjang masa?

adakah kita ingat dengan kenangan lalu,
yang membawa kita ke alam kanak-kanak
yang mendewasakan kita seperti hari ini?

adakah kita sedari siapa rakan dan siapa lawan
yang memijak dan membangun bersama kita
di kala senang dan susah sewaktu ketika dahulu?

adakah kita berpijak dibumi yang nyata
apabila kita dilamun asmara yang tak henti
kita puja kala di siang dan malam?

adakah kita mengingati memori bersama
orang tua dimana mereka pernah penat
dan lelah semata-mata kerana kita?

adakah semua yang bermain dibenak fikiran
itu menjadi punca segala pentengkaran yang berlaku
diantara diri dan dia?

adakah sememangnya kita ini seorang yang
memang tidak peduli dengan orang lain
dan membiarkan mereka tenggelam dalam dunia
mereka yang kelam?

adakah kita berani mengambil risiko terhadap
sesuatu yang kita tak pernah tahu akibatnya
demi mempertahankan maruah dan harga diri?

adakah kita bersikap jujur pabila bersama
dia dan dibelakangnya kita mempunyai kisah
yang berbeza yang tak mungkin dia ketahui asal usulnya
sehingga dia terus terlena dalam buaian penipuan kita?

adakah kita hanya mampu terdiam dan tersungkur
apabila menyaksikan anak-anak kecil bergelimpangan darah
di kaca tv tanpa bisa melakukan apa-apa selain berdoa sahaja?

adakah kita tidak mampu memberi kata putus untuk bersendiri
dan bukan berteman dan menyakiti hati yang lain demi
kebahagian diri agar diganggu lagi?

adakah kita sedar hati semakin tua dan kesepian
menanti untuk bercinta lagi dan masih tidak
berjumpa dengan jodoh kerna takdirnya di atas dan
hanya kita terkial-kial bersabar?

atau kita hanyalah takut untuk mempercayai apa yang
dihadapan dan apa yang mungkin terjadi kerana itu kita
langsung sudah tiada kemaafan dan keindahan hidup
yang kita yakin dan rasa punyai selama ini
namun itu semua bergantung kepada kita,
hala tuju kita, ke mana arah dan laluan kita yang makin
berbeza saban hari, arus hidup yang makin meninggi,
kejauhan yang menyebabkan kita lalai dan alpa tentang
mereka yang berada disisi kita selama ini kerna itu,
haruslah kita bersedia menghadapi hari esok dengan
penuh penyesalan dan seribu kehilangan.

apakah semua persoalan ini dapat dijawab dengan
jujurnya andai kata diri masih lagi bertakung ditempat
yang tak dapat kita lari dari masa lampau dan kini?

semuanya ada ditangan dan minda anda.

ada sabda rasullulah berkata, "Barangsiapa menyakiti orang lain,
itu bermakna dia menyakiti diriku, dan barangsiapa
menyakitiku, bermakna dia menyakiti Allah S.W.T.."

satu aku yakin: jika jodoh itu benar-benar milikku,
akan diketemuikan aku dengan si dia yang benar-benar
akan mencintai aku dan keluargaku dengan tiada
rasa kelainan, bahkan menjadikan aku dan keluargaku
sebahagian dari dirinya sendiri dan sanggup hidup
bersama dikala susah dan senang.

kerna jodoh dan keinginan untuk memiliki adalah berbeza.

kau fikirlah.

1.27.2009

Wahai Sahabat

kenapa sesetengah diantara kita
begitu semangat ketika berhibur
kenapa sesetengah diantara kita
begitu khusyuk ketika dilamun cinta

tidak pentingkah orang sekeliling?
tiada rasa pertimbangankah?
tidak kenal siapa kawan dan lawan?
tiada ingatan terhadap yang tertinggal?

aku sungguh cemburu
melihat manusia lain
yang mempunyai kawan
untuk lakukan hobi bersama
dan kenapa tiada
untuk aku?

saat sedih, duka,
siapa disisi ini
saat gembira, tawa,
siapa disisi ini

aku hanyalah insan
yang kesepian
melewati hari-hari
yang meningkat tua
tanpa menyedari
hakikat kehidupan
begitu menyeksakan

seribu musim
takkan dapat menghibur hati
yang kesepian dan lara
seribu malam
takkan dapat menanggalkan memori
yang terhanyut dan terluka

dimanakah kamu
wahai sahabat
aku merindui kehadiranmu
disampingku
selalu menemani
kala rintihan
membasahi pipi

1.23.2009

Yang Pernah

Nothing much happened except for me skipping class today. Well, the only best day for the week, i would say yesterday. because...

>> went to kuching, bought eco textbook and external hardisk with jane and zalz, only after they sent amer to airport since he going back to kl. Well, the best part was, i have three quizzes. 1 current subject and two repeat subject. PAD254:Office Management, could do. ACC164:Financial Accounting, suka suka, dapat buat. ECO162:Microeconomics, sangat general. Ahaha

back to the story.

After went shopping, we went to have our dinner at Nasi Ayam Penyet at Lot 1, before that, Jane went tapau-ed KFC. Ok, after had our dinner and gossip lawak session, went to 7e riverside, just to beli rokok, tak de plan pun nak jumpa Aubrey. sekali gedebak, terkejut nampak dia from our car, sume sumpah nervous and terkejut. HAHHAHAHA. bayangkan betapa saiko nye kiteorg ni.

then masuk, dia senyum, kiteorg senyum, aku grab two mineral bottle and asked him for a pack of ciggie. Zalz tetibe cakap, "I dah add gamba kita kat FB," Aubrey, "really..." Zalz, "yess" Aubrey, "aku ada FB tp x activate, kelak aku deactivate aku bagitau korang ok?" sume, "ok"
Jane, "apa number phone..? zalz bagi la number.." Zalz, "apa ni.." Aku, "your email je la, nanti we add u up!" Aubrey, "okok, sure, you guys ada msn?" sume, "adaaaaa..." Zalz, "how old r you?" aubrey, "17.. no no that was last year, this year 18" sume, "muda lagi..." (TERASA TUA OK!!!) then we bid off our goodbye to him.

tak bley bla, masuk keta, sume gelak macam cibai.

padahal sume pakai YM, bukan msn. HAHAHAHHAA. still can add up right!

see you soon aubrey, we all will invite u to our lepaking session one day! ;)

xoxo

1.18.2009

Lawak Kering Gusi

"Fuck your mother fucking ass,"ain said, Fifie said, "Fuck you fucker mother ass, shut up, fuck off" Aku bantai gelak tengok gaya negro dak2 pondan ni. Went to fifie and ain's room at block 1 last two days, went to ask about my ex-scandal, Amalina cus Fifie and her is a really bestfriend. so yes, nak pikat pompuan ko terpaksa gak belakon ko ni sanggup menerima mereka. but honestly since i know this two pondan, they're the coolest one cus sangat-sangat baik to the max beside jude la.

Haha.

Ok back to the story.

Went overnight went my awesome three coolest friends, Jane, Henna and Zalz. Hehe. they're super cool and fun!! Before that, we went makan-makan as amer treats us Pizza Hut nearby Tun Jugah Mall. Why? cause we campaign for him for the general election in the campus. Walaupun dia tak menang but he still win in our hearts. :) With his supernatural power, he could scan us. HAHA. telling us how our past look like, we was so fucking shocked that what he said was true!! hahaha. menghairankan, but thats the fact.

Ok, then we all went bowling. after bowling, we sent amer to uitm back as i and jane have to get another car cus the car that we rental before, the owners need it asap, so yeah, henna n zal send the car back to unimas. I drove to the behind gate of Mulu college to change clothes and Jane sent kfc to her friend who is having this KKI(Kursus Kefahaman Islam) wateva la kan. Then, Jane drove to unimas to pick up Zal n Henna, after that, we went dai-chi(karaoke place) and melalak for an hour, Henna beloved bf, Ikhwan came with his friends, but sungguh malu to see lah kan cus pelik do nyanyi depan org tak dikenali. ahhaa. they chau-ed and we continue our gelak moments. Then went to Mcd's Airport because Ikhwan said that Starbucks dekat tHe Spring dah tutup. Palattt. hahaha. baru nak minum coffee. hahaha.

Lepak at Mcd until 2 plus. I drove to the city to hangout at the old Mcd parking lot as Ikhwan sent his friends home. Chilled as the girls tido. Me smoking jer. Then Ikhwan datang. Then Henna dozed off kat keta Ikhwan, then me n Ikhwan borak2. And suddenly, Nabil and Liya arrived, they tot Mcd Tun Jugah bukak 24hours as usual tapi tutup. Hampeh. Then they head off to Mcd Airport. ahah.

And then, 4.30am, Jane bangun, borak2 with Jane. Zal still tido. Henna tido n Ikhwan teman. Then Henna bangun lepak with us cus Ikhwan kena blah, then cakap-cakap pasal cite hantu and stuff that you-people-shudnt-know-about. Then, Zal bangun, cakap-cakap. Cakap. Til 7.30 before we head off our ass to have breakfast at Chillipeppers. Sumpah cool dow lepak situ, ala-ala kat US la konon. and we head off back to Uitm. Jane drove.

// Funny Story
Lepas gi karaoke, went to 7e, nak beli mineral n strepsil for Zal, ok, me went there. Masuk-masuk dah blur, cus the cashier is so fucking hensem nak mampus sampai aku pun terblur. dah beli then masuk keta, terus cakap kat they all, "weh korang, pegi masok 7e, ada mamat hensem for you all, nama dia aubrey," (aku tau nama dia cus terlihat tag nama dia). They all pun rush masuk 7e, konon2 nak beli barang la yeh. Siap Henna yang tengah makan pizza masok jugak. HAHHAA. Keluar je dorang and masuk kereta, "SUMPAH HENSEM N CUTE" bak kata dorang. Aku dah cakap.

Then sekali lagi pergi 7e after lepak kat Mcd Airport cus Zal pakai contact lens n lupa bawak bekas and nak beli eye-mo. Aku masuk tanpa apa-apa prasangka. Suddenly, Aubrey terus cakap, "May i help you?" aku pun, "yes yes" tanye dia ada jual eye mo ke tak, dia kata ada and terus bayar and all la. ciao

Pastuh 3rd time, time lepak depan Mcd lama, went again cus lapar gila nak mampus, plus Jane asked me to buy Twisties. Pergi la sana. Sebelum masuk, dia dah pandang, Masuk je, he said, "Helllowwww" aku cam, "hi" Pergi la amik nyam-nyam n twisties, letak kat kaunter, dia cakap, "is this all?" aku replied, "erm no, wait", amik sprite and then letak kat kaunter, then bayar, and he passed me the plastic bag, sumpah aku pelik, sejak bila 7e layan customer baik nak mampus.
ok then done.

Sesi lepak kat depan mcd habis kul 7.20 tuh, we all nak gerak cari toilet, sekali nampak Aubrey and his friend who done his shift, Jane bawak macam gila semata-mata nak stop kat dia and say Hi.. Dorang cakap Hi, aku dah bantai gelak macam sial. dah aku dok mencanggung kat belakang. Pastuh nak buat u turn cus nak g toilet, nampak dia lagi, dorang bantai stop, cakap Hi lagi. then dia buat bodoh and masuk kedai cina. ahaha. Kiteorang pusing2 cari public toilet, lastly, pergi Hilton, macam kaya nak mampus la konon pergi situ. Then we all nak gerak to breakfast, sekali lagi tersempak dengan dia. Stop kereta ok. Siap bantai Henna cakap, "can we take a pics with you??" "AKu bantai gelakkk. Mula-mula dia cakap "NO PICTURE" pastuh dia pun mengalah, and the girls stood by him n his friend, i shoot the pics, HAHAHA. nanti aku post gambar tuh.
pastuh time nak blah, dia siap, cakap, "Byee, kelak datang 7e gik owh." Lambaian dan kata-kata itu ditujukan kepada aku dan bukannya mereka, aku kehairanan time tuh.

Sumpah Kisah Aubrey sungguh lucu. but, we all think that he is a model based in kuching, cuma dia tak di-expose lagi cause pose dia macam model siot. Macam tourist lah kita orang ni. Jakun pun ada. But over all, the day ended so fun and best! :)

*kalau sume berebut nak Aubrey, habis sapa nak akuuu????*

xoxo

1.16.2009

Magical Wander

I just realized about my room number. Just semester, i was thinking i have a similar number to each one of my room that i've ever stayed.

part 1 - 5201
part 2 - 5212
part 3 - 5124 / 1228 / 1112
part 4 - 4228

haha. funny.

Anyway, last tuesday, we had AGM for our society, MASPENA, i was elected/appointed as Exco Tugas-Tugas Khas for this year semester. It was freaking malu ok so stand infront of the crowd masa sesi pengenalan to everyone. haha. Anyway the AGM was successful. And, next week we are having a meeting with part 1 & 2 students to choose them as our secteriate. About the GAZA issue, i do have a plan to do an event here at uitm to collect donation for those needed. Ive to see mr. president. Oh, another thing is, i'll be the head of project for this semester Dinner Nite, gosh, they all put lots hope on me. Dayumn.

Im sorry if i didnt get to update as much as i wanted to because as you know, Uitm internet do suck. I was so malas la kalau internet mcm palat.

// Love Story:

I've truly confessed to my good friend, Z. She admitted that she love our relationship but cant help if we broke up and never be friends again but we didnt couple cause tah la.. finally i could let go someone. So, it is kinda awkward these days.. dont know why. Perhaps maybe bcause of the issue going on btw me n her. So, i said to her, we'll be a great friend. :D

// Money Issue:
PTPTN tak masuk lagi. I truly sakit hati. Nak bayar duit buku pun tak dapat :(

// Friendship:
Down a bit, cause boring tengok muka sama kat uitm. Gonna stand it for months coming.

// Holiday:
Tak balik KL, so will stay in hostel mcm palat.

// Funny Story:
Ain(a pondan, part 5) ketuk pintu bilik, Shazwan said loudly, "MASUK" pastu, Ain cakap, "Zainal, ada orang nak cakap." Afnan, "OK". Budak pondan part 1, "Bang, pa nama kitak?(Bang, apa nama awak?), Afnan, *blur, huh* replied, "Zainal, pahal?" Pondan part 1 replied, "Kacak nama kitak!(Cantik nama awak)"

Ain cakap kat pondan part 1, "Cepatlah cakap cepat." Pondan part 1, "Bang, kamek maok berma ngan kitak malam tok!(Bang, Saya nak main seks ngan awak malam ni)", Afnan in blur mood and digusted, "HAH??? APA KAU MEREPEK! Gilaaaaa" Shazwan (LAUGH OUT LOUD MCM PUKI). Door closed. Aku jerit kat ain, "Ain, ko tengah handle kelas melacur ke??? Bodo sial..." Ain replied, "AAHHH"

Aku pun tergelak macam gila sial.. dah la tengah borak ngan shazwan pasal stuff about girls that we like. hahahaha. BODOH nye Ain, jadikan aku bahan Tester kau. ahhahahahhahahahaha

so that's it!

xoxo

1.07.2009

.4228.

I finally got a room but i don't know whether to stay there or change my room to the level 3 because the college office didnt open up the level 3 rooms yet. Kinda pissed off at the moment, i've been waiting for 4 semester to get a two bed in a room only. Sick of 4 bed in a room. Seriously.

Well. I have to wait for 19th Jan to change the room. I hope to get a room in the level 3 this sem. Pls Pls help me God. =)

xo

1.05.2009

Stay to forget loving you...

I did this poem last year on valentine's day, i guess its a good one since ive been single for officially a year and a half. So here it goes...

I think of her every morning and night,
Think i'll be lonely
For the rest of the summer,
but along the journey she came by,

Im in love with her,
but she still doesnt know the fact,
that she is still in love with him,
it even make me feel so useless...

If i could turn back the time,
I would make you fall to me,
but i know it is hard to believe,
that we could be as one

Maybe i should forget you,
or stay loving you
like the way i used to

-end-

the morale of the day is im no longer had feeling for this girl because she already became Just Friend to me. Not more than that. and for now, my feeling to be in love is zero. the feeling liking one is also zero. I hate the fact but i gotta love it.

xo

Illegal Movement

Im officially an Illegal in the Uni hostel... hahaha no room for me! I will stay out at the rental house that my friends suggested with the rest if i truly didnt get the room. Still waiting for Layak 3 to come out. Im in my friend room here. Using uitm broadband. easy to say, macam palat. hahaha. Life as an illegal person is fucking hassle cause you need the share bed, and you cant pack ur stuff in the room. so fuck able. I cant stay on like this.

Palat uitm cause there are so many room available yet they are not giving us the priority, lagi-lagi orang semenanjung. Macam palat. Geram with uitm ok.

hehe, btw, I feel so low-profile this semester like nobody realize my movement and notice me! I like it! ;) eventually the spreads of new last semester didnt really bother people to care more about me but i do love the feeling now that i get.

New Semester = New Me!

:D

xo

1.04.2009

Coretan Buat Ibu

Dalam usia yang sedang menjenguk diri, ibu masih bekerja. mencari sesuap nasi untuk anak-anak dan cucu. Ibu tidak pernah mengaburi anak-anak dengan wang. Ibu masih kuat bekerja, masih bisa memasak untuk anak-anak dan melayan karenah seorang demi seorang. Tidak pernah rasa sesal berkahwin dengan lelaki pilihannya, kini ibu bergelar seorang janda setelah kehilang suami sejak 8 tahun dulu.

Ibu tidak pernah menangis biarpun kini akur anak-anak sudah besar dan mendirikan rumah masing-masing, meskipun begitu, cuma yang tinggal 3 anak yang masih duduk menemani ibu. Ibu masih mempunyai emak, ibu sering kali berusaha meluangkan masa pulang ke kampung. Ibu dan kampungnya tidak dapat dipisahkan. Biarpun dibesarkan dalam suasana keluarga yang besar, ibu sudah biasa dengan semua itu. Ibu tidak pernah mengharapkan bantuan orang. Ibu sentiasa menolong dan membantu mereka yang susah.

Ibu sanggup menggadaikan barang kemasnya untuk menghantar anak-anak hingga ke peringkat universiti, ibu tidak mahu anak-anaknya kehilangan dan kebelakang dalam pelajaran. Sebut apa sahaja kemahuan anak, ibu turuti. Ibu tidak kenal erti penat dan letih kerna ibu sememangnya seorang ibu yang kuat berdikari kala usia makin meningkat. Berat badan ibu makin menyusut, kala lelah menjaga rumah, anak dan kerjaya, ibu masih tetap berdiri untuk berjuang demi kebahagian anak-anak. Bagi Ibu, anak-anak harus berada ditempatnya sendiri. Ibu kini, keseorangan, anak-anak duduk berjauhan, anak-anak belajar berjauhan.

Ibu sentiasa berpesan kepada anak-anaknya agar sentiasa solat dan berdoa kepada yang maha Esa. Ibu aku ini sememangnya ibu yang aku kira tidak pernah mengecewakan anak-anak untuk kebaikan anak-anak. Ibu aku tak pernah rasa ingin berhenti bekerja walau usia kini makin menjamah. Kala peribahasa mengingatkan aku, "10 orang anak takkan dapat menjaga seorang ibu, tetapi seorang ibu dapat menjaga 10 orang anaknya." Satu peribahasa yang sungguh melekat di minda sehingga hari ini. Aku tahu hari ibu lama lagi, tetapi inilah coretan aku buat ibu atau aku gelarkannya Mak. Mak aku sentiasa membahagiakan diri dan semua. Semoga ia menjadi pedoman untuk anda menghargai ibu anda.

xo.

1.02.2009

TwoDays


Its the 2nd day of January. Im going to Kuching soon, this sunday perhaps. I don't know why im feeling so stress a little bit here and there but nevermind. Hati sangat berat nak tinggalkan bonda tercinta, my lil' niece- zahra aisha, family, cousins and friends. Entah, kali ni rasanya kepulangan yang pertama being so hard to let go of everyone i love. It's hard thinking of their problems, their dreams being washed away, im sick of that. This is the time where i should restart myself and start proving to everyone that i can get a 3.oo pointer at least or more . I have to stop being so fuss about things i wanted, i cannot be selfish, i cannot be that anymore.

don't lie, just come clean, you will be better, i will work hard for the new semester coming around, i'll miss everyone and their laughs and jokes, i will not let myself enter the sadness. I'll never let sadness win over myself because i know it is so stupid to let it. Just move on and be happy*even you have to fake it for the sake of people* no matter what happens.

im leaving,
because i love you,
im leaving,
because i care for you,
im leaving,
because it's my duty.
and i'll be leaving the town,
because i'll have to do it
since no one gonna do it for me.

2009, please let me change:
I want to pray more.
I do not want to go to clubs anymore.
I do want to less smoking.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling anymore.

find me in your dream, i'll be there for you!

xoxo.

1.01.2009

HELLO2009:GOODBYE2008

Yes, celebrated at the Curve with Minarni, Jazli, Nazreena and Jojo. Was fun. Saw my BUD4 friends... Akid and juniors from highschool. Was so happy at last could celebrate new year with my bestfriends. Thanks Guys. Whatever is, Happy New Year everyone and let go your past and build a stronger bond and let's enjoy our life ahead us. :)

Im happy that new year is here and im gonna achieve what i wanna achieve this year and for the rest of my life. =)

Thanks to everyone who have been here and there for me throughout 2008. Thank you so much, May Allah S.W.T bless you in everyway you do!

XOXO

Zainal Afnan
Twenty.