9.12.2009

updated love.

Bulan takkan merindukan sahabatnya jika hati sudah berkubur.

i need a shoulder. yours should be fine.

Jangan secelit pun kau kembali. Jangan secubit pun kau datang. Aku tak mampu merenung wajahmu lagi untuk sesaat dan selamanya.

aku takkan menunggumu dimalam ini, dan biarkan siang menjelma lagi, kerana asmara sudahku lepaskan, biarkan bintang kesepian, biar ia kelam, sepertiku disini.

ku lepas kan kau pergi. jangan kembali. jangan pulang. jangan mencari. pergilah kau bersama bintang. akhiri semua malam ini. aku tak kan menganggu lagi... maafkan.

Tahukah perasaan begini sememangnya begitu lemah?

I hope one day you will realize of all the things you've done. I hope God will show you the real road for you that you have not taken yet. I hope that you will change for the better and not for the worst, I hope the every best in you and I know ...that now you just wanna have some fun but remember that fun could create hurt into your future. I also wish you the love, patience and happiness in future. GoodLuck Friend!

- my FB status update. urgh.

9.10.2009

It Takes Me Higher.

When finally I felt acknowledged for the first time in the dream, I keep saying this in my soul 'don’t ever take it for granted', for the first time in my life, I felt so happy. Even in my sleep, I’m smiling deeply in heart, Butterflies keep blossoming in my stomach, the truth about me is now the more I shine, and the more I feel inside, it is like having a tumor in your head, when you are waiting for it to pop, it is something I called love. I cried, I bleed and I smiled, the pain of not knowing the truth does kill me inside, but in time, I learnt to value, honor and be grateful for, it teaches me that no matter how hard you try, never keep backing off, eventually it worth the ass when you already reach the part of hurting yourself.

I earned so many things in life that I tend to disbelief and keep ignoring it, Later on, I realized it is not worth it without somebody to share with, In the meantime, I’m still searching for my other half, As I know love won't let me down a bit. Yes, it takes you no time to fall in love and it does take you years to know what love all about is. And of course, being able to utter things does make me feel great, but what it is all about when you don't even know what to say, to do or to identify, it is something you have got to discover out before the time ends tick-tock-inn, like a bird sing the song on the tree or the flowers flourishing in the morning.

I much comprehend life now when I see people walking out to their life, staring at the sky and when they sleep in the night. It is about getting ready for something you want or something you wish for. Sometimes, in life, you have to be strong and stable; you can’t give up things easily even you have failed so many times before. You have to take the risk, to know the consequences of the risk. You will never know what could be the answer as you keep delaying the matters. And I think now, I’m much of a risk taker person as I love being challenged by myself so that I will never regret of not knowing things beyond my expectation and acquaintance. I could be terrible, but I choose to be impartial because in life, you can’t expect people to like you every time.

I love the feeling of being able to recognize people, the feeling of captivating chances and never feel guilty being by, as the moment I touch down my heartache, I always pray to God that I’m still able to reach my delight time, without worrying about my soaring ages in the world that keep turning upside down with the whole things going on in the region of the places I’ve been or not. I will never erase every moment I had in the past, today and the future I’m living in even though; I’m starting to forget things slowly without my willingness. And sometimes I speculate what if I leave this all behind, will I be disappointed or will I still be happy? What would the answer be? And now, I’m starting to look things in the clearer space and better surface so that I won’t be a judgmental person anymore.

As now, I feel the love, patience, philosophy and happiness that God have given me, with all the concern and heartbeat, I feel better as time goes by, without I know that there's more to life outside the line.

I assume that I’m a thinker and I just want to share my reflection about my life and others for the time now.

Semakin Rapuh

Kadang-kala aku rasa aku lupa dengan kawan-kawan aku.
Tapi sebenarnya tidak.

Cuma aku banyak masalah.
Masalah dikampus ini.
Jendela yang banyak pilihannya membutakan hatiku.

Aku semakin rapuh.
Namun sisi lainku kebalkan jiwaku.

Aku sudahpun membuang secelit perasaan benci.
Pada semua insan.

Aku ini manusia lemah.
Yang mahukan yang biasa-biasa sahaja.

Namun apa kan daya,
Aku tak mampu puaskan hati semua orang.

Kawan-kawanku,
Maafkan aku.

Seandainya masih ada sayang itu,
ucapkanlah.

Don't force me, Won't force you.

I won't force you to leave me.
And I don't even want to force you to stay with me.

You can't force me to leave you.
You can't force me to stay with you.

You and me have no difference.
We used to be one.
We used to be there.

You can't force too much to mend a heart.
And I can't force us to be in something we don't belong.

Don't force too much if the thing doesn't belong to you anymore.

I'll let you go.

I'll let her go,
I won't let her go,
I have to let her go,

I can't let her go,
I can let her go,
I don't...
want to let her go,


If what you need to say is that you need to leave...
then leave.

I'll let you go.