4.20.2010

HBP


I really don't know why i have left this blog unintended by myself. It may be caused my severe major breakdowns i had few months back after the break ups, my sickness appeared. And i really don't know what to say, what to write, what to do, what to be.

I've been diagnosed with High Blood Pressure and my heartache from when i was a baby, start to become active. I know it's a serious problem, but im dealing in a great condition. Well, i keep stressful things out of my head. I closed up all the drama's and shitty that happened. I really can't stop hating. It's because that the hatred grows itself in my heart.

Well, i started to become ME after i was diagnosed with HBP... since i had the mild stroke for 2 hours, i stopped myself from smoking, but then, i started smoking back cus i can't deal with the pressure. I was becoming a different person with, the anger, the delusional , the hatred, the pain, the sadness. I couldn't bear holding up only to myself. I had no one to talk to. I don't know whether it's good or bad. But im now completely different. I just keep things to myself, turned to quite and for most, i let my friends go... I can't keep people in my life. I just can't cause it'll make my disease become harder.

HBP is 50-50% chances of living... I could get a heart attack anytime soon. But Alhamdulillah, i survived til today. God is Great! Amin.

As i speak now, I really wish that better days will come ahead of me. For sure, the examination that will be held on 21st April, 26th April, 5th May and 9th May will determine my future excel.
I started to think whether it's fate or what im in this course! Oh My, i supposed myself to be in the fashion world, because my interest in fashion is much higher. I love sewing... haha, laugh it all you want but that's all my interest at. Im gonna talk to my mom about my future degree plan, i won't hold it up cause i wanna succed in my own way. Insha-Allah.

For everything that matter, I have stopped doing hard things, stopped doing lots of things that could endangered my life and health.

Please pray for my success in the future as i will pray for yours too! :)

Amin.