Terrified

I'm Back, No?

2011-12-05T14:25:00.004+08:00

Salam and Hi everyone!

It's been awhile. Really awhile, no? I've left this blog unintended for so long. A year plus. Let's see how long I've not write any single entry to this blog!

Gila lama kan?

I have been very busy lately for the past one year. Life has changed and i'm moving on to some variety steps of life that offered me. I have met hundred of new friends, lose hundred and yet, i gain few back in return. Alhamdulillah. So far, life has been so full of obstacles that I've gone under and through. Without the blessings of the merciful Allah S.W.T. I doubt that i'll be able to stand here in this world again and able to post an entry to this blog. Syukur!

Somehow, i have come to this stage where i think and i do believe that friends are not longer becoming an asset in life, it's more to as a liability in life... but you do need keep few ones who willing to be there when you're in ups or downs...

As i said, in my past years post, i always concerned on the line, 'Friends come and go, but family stays..." yes, that's so true. My family has been there for me since ever. Well, i gained 2 new nieces in just two years time, Amanee and Alea... Soon to be born, a baby boy! Amin...

Well, there's nothing much about me anymore! Yet, works are like crazy! I'll just stick and focus on works for the current time being.

May Allah bless us all.

Amin.

JAZAKALLAH KHAIR

twice for nothing

2010-05-28T04:45:00.001+08:00

Just so you know, you don't live twice, and please start asking people for their forgiveness.

x

Aku dan Sendiriku

2010-05-27T03:29:00.000+08:00

Aku dalam hidupku
Bertemankan hanya aku
Mencari siapa aku
Tertanya dimana aku

Aku dan sendiriku
masih mengenali tuhanku
cuma kisah akan aku lalui
bila akan ia datang lagi

Aku dan sendiriku
bergejolak dalam asmaraku
untuk mengerti semua cintaku
tapi ku tahu akan gagal juga

Aku dan sendiriku
seperti sepi malam-malamku
tiada akan mengubah aku
kerna aku adalah aku

HBP

2010-04-20T03:53:00.002+08:00

I really don't know why i have left this blog unintended by myself. It may be caused my severe major breakdowns i had few months back after the break ups, my sickness appeared. And i really don't know what to say, what to write, what to do, what to be.

I've been diagnosed with High Blood Pressure and my heartache from when i was a baby, start to become active. I know it's a serious problem, but im dealing in a great condition. Well, i keep stressful things out of my head. I closed up all the drama's and shitty that happened. I really can't stop hating. It's because that the hatred grows itself in my heart.

Well, i started to become ME after i was diagnosed with HBP... since i had the mild stroke for 2 hours, i stopped myself from smoking, but then, i started smoking back cus i can't deal with the pressure. I was becoming a different person with, the anger, the delusional , the hatred, the pain, the sadness. I couldn't bear holding up only to myself. I had no one to talk to. I don't know whether it's good or bad. But im now completely different. I just keep things to myself, turned to quite and for most, i let my friends go... I can't keep people in my life. I just can't cause it'll make my disease become harder.

HBP is 50-50% chances of living... I could get a heart attack anytime soon. But Alhamdulillah, i survived til today. God is Great! Amin.

As i speak now, I really wish that better days will come ahead of me. For sure, the examination that will be held on 21st April, 26th April, 5th May and 9th May will determine my future excel.
I started to think whether it's fate or what im in this course! Oh My, i supposed myself to be in the fashion world, because my interest in fashion is much higher. I love sewing... haha, laugh it all you want but that's all my interest at. Im gonna talk to my mom about my future degree plan, i won't hold it up cause i wanna succed in my own way. Insha-Allah.

For everything that matter, I have stopped doing hard things, stopped doing lots of things that could endangered my life and health.

Please pray for my success in the future as i will pray for yours too! :)

Amin.

it is you

2010-03-26T02:03:00.002+08:00

been really busy & got sick previous weeks.

don't have much to update.

still doing well and living safe n sound.

hope everything wud be great as heaven for weeks coming!
Insha-Allah.

Hope you all are in good condition!

take care everyone. do well and dream well!

x

It's Over.

2010-02-18T03:32:00.001+08:00

Too painful to stay in it.

Long Distance Relationship won't work.

Fact.

Your Last Redemption

2010-02-04T04:02:00.000+08:00

My definition of true friend is
not the one who always be there but
the one who understands that sometimes u can't always be there
- Jaja A.

(Taken from a tweet from twitter)

For long. I guess.

2010-01-26T05:33:00.002+08:00

Salam.

I haven't been blogging since ever. Since my accident the other day while on the way to KL Sentral to catch my flight to Kuching. It was damn bad. Seriously. Enough of that.

On 16th Jan 2010, I declared myself with a girl name Hermeella Hassan, a daughter of a pilot and a housewife. She's very smart, matured and funny. I just don't know, i just love her for everything she does and whom she is and not what she is. :)

I've passed down my position to a junior... no longer an active exco anymore. Will get a holiday throughout this semester which im very happy of.

Im coming back to KL this wednesday for my beloved cousin's wedding, Dahlia & Loque. On top of all of this, Im going to Miri again and Brunei for the 1st time during the CNY break with all my coursemates. Trippo!

Everything & everyday seems great so far for me. Things happened naturally and hopefully, I'll be alright this year. Insha-Allah.

I miss everyone.

Love one for all.

Cheerios.

X

duapuluhsepuluh

2010-01-01T04:48:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum W.B.T.

it's 010110.

1st entry of the year!

xoxo

Selamat Jalan 2009. Sayangi 2010.

2009-12-31T18:04:00.002+08:00

Perjalanan menghitung masa selalu mengundang rasa,

2009 memori terindah kala mengusik dimata,

penuh duka dan senda,

biarpun drama dan kontroversi datang dan pergi,

hanya Nya lah yang mengetahui isi alam dan hati.

2009,

sebuah lakaran kehidupan penuh sepi dan gembira.

ada ceritanya. ada hatinya. ada maruahnya. ada kasihnya.

Kini, 2010.

tiba penuh bergaya.

Bukan untuk memuji, sekadar melihat kenyataan.

yang sudah terpampang untuk menjadi realiti.

Harapnya 2010 menjadi lebih kuat, teguh dan penuh integriti.

"Selamat tinggal 2009, Aku bukakan 2010!"

In 2009, I'd been the shadow of your shadow, But in 2010, i hope to be the limelight of yours.

Bisa Belah

2009-12-31T04:12:00.002+08:00

Kamu usah fikir aku ini pelacur jalang,
Jangan terdetik sedikit dikepalang,
Aku bukan boneka yang tidak bisa dihalang,
Dan juga mungkin kau rasa ingin membilang...

Aku bisa belah kau,
Jangan jadi satu,
Jangan jadi bodoh,
Sebab aku bukan pelacur jalang.

Aku punya harta maruah penting,
Tatapan luaran bukan sandaran,
Ia rezeki terindah Tuhan maha kaya,
Bukan untuk dipersenda dan diperlaku.

Bisa kau fikir aku mahu itu
Haramkan hatimu,
Aku bukan pelacur jalang,
kerana aku bisa melayan karenahmu dihari siang.

Kau silap.
Aku silap.
Kita silap.

sebab aku bukan pelacur.
sebab aku bukan jalang.

Aku lelaki bermaruah hati.

Mungkin Asalmu

2009-12-29T16:17:00.002+08:00

Jangan datang

Jangan lagi

Jangan muncul

Jangan hadir

Jangan wujud

Jangan kembali

Jangan beri

Jangan hampiri

Jangan dekati

AKU

kerana semuanya hancur

segala kepercayaan, segala mempercayai dan segala kemaafan.

Kau manusia yang takkan pernah berubah,

maaf kau hanya satu minit dan tiada bermakna pun.

Mungkin kau tidak sedar,

kau jauh menyimpang dari asalmu.

Harapanku,

usah lagi kenali aku.

Benci padamu hingga liang lahad.

More to life...

2009-12-28T20:28:00.001+08:00

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
I'm wanting more.....

I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more to life...

Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more to life....life..
ohh...more to life..life..theres gotta be more to life...
ohh...more to life....theres gotta be more to life...ohhh

Jangan Tipu

2009-12-24T14:46:00.002+08:00

Aku benci bila ada orang pure melayu nak berlagak speaking tahap british padahal kat umah duk cakap loghat negeri dia. Bila keluar dengan kawan-kawan melayu dia nak juga cakap macam 'Hello, you know what blablabla'. Kau fikir kau sorang je ke boleh cakap english.

Bukan dengki, tapi menyampah bila kadang-kadang orang tu act dia lah yang terbaik macam-macam kadang2 dia tak sedar diri. Nak memuji diri konon belajar kok alek lua negaro. Mu tuh kalo tok wok toksoh nok over gilo. Nate buruk, mu tuh kalo doh tok sedar diri, nok buat gapo aghi. Aku tokleh tengok ore over gilo mace dio. Sokmo nok over je... Muko nok tahap market ajo, mu kalo blaja panda takpo jugok. ni tidok, buruk.

So bagus mu jange nok nipu diri sendiri deh? kalo mu aso diri mu tuh hok matsalih, bagus mu tukar PR mu jo ok?

stilo milo

2009-12-24T04:36:00.003+08:00

What I want to wear next year:

Triangle Love Story

2009-12-13T03:01:00.002+08:00

Is it, or It is?

So confusing.

I can't never trust myself on this.

Bitcho Bitche.

2009-12-13T02:58:00.001+08:00

Try fucking yourself Bitch. ;)

takkan berlalu

2009-12-13T02:56:00.001+08:00

manisnya rindu
tiada jemu
pabila berdua
kekal bersama

saat bercinta
tiba terduga
hati ku tertanya
adakah pasti bahagia

musim berganti
masih sama dihati
ada ternanti
ketika bermimpi

bicara celaru
terbit cemburu
ku harap dulu
takkan berlalu

B

2009-12-09T13:04:00.001+08:00

What if you are head over heels over someone?

Next Year

2009-12-02T00:24:00.002+08:00

Since everyone in my family is complaining that every time i get back to KL, i have been lazy and always want that and this... I have decided starting from January until Dec 2010, I won't be coming back to KL even though My 1st Bro and My sis is getting married next year's March and November. I hope they will realize that without me in KL, it will become less burden for them.

Im so tired of being nice and not nice, being good and not good, being quiet and not quiet...

Im so tired of being the black sheep in this family.
Im so tired of everything.

Biri-Biri Sahaja

2009-11-27T14:21:00.001+08:00

-Selamat Hari Raya Eid-Adha-

Have a great one people!

:)

Should i?

2009-11-25T02:19:00.001+08:00

Meet a new person or stay available or flirt around..?

are we?

2009-11-24T05:07:00.003+08:00

Are
we
allowed
to
shed
tears?

Are
we
allowed
to
have
someone's
shoulder
in
time
need?

Are
we
allowed
to
be
someone
that
we
wished
for?

The Last Kid

2009-11-21T02:56:00.001+08:00

I have confession, why do people always think im the last child in my family? They always think im the last kiddo and the mama's boy. Weird.

Plus, its vice versa. :)

Pelik Kah Mimpi

2009-11-21T02:44:00.002+08:00

Sudah beberapa malam aku mimpi pasal budak ni, tapi yang aku pelik aku tak pernah pulak kenal rapat or even cakap-cakap dengan dia. Bertembung and buat bodoh je... Tapi sumpah aku pelik because aku asyik dok mimpi dia selalu sejak beberapa malam ni. PELIK.

//mimpi 1
mimpi pasal dia, kiteorang lepak sama. tegur-tegur.

//mimpi 2
tiba-tiba aku jumpa dia, cakap hi... borak panjang.

//mimpi 3
jumpa dia shake hand ngan aku, cakap-cakap lepastu aku kasi note kat dia cakap "sorry ah if before this kita tak pernah tegur" pastu dia bagi note balik kat aku cakap "aku nak kasi tau semua orang apa kau buat kat aku, n nak hantar orang bunuh kau.."

-

tak ke pelik mimpi tuh? mimpi yang pelik!

(:

Sabah-Bah!

2009-11-17T03:01:00.001+08:00

Hey guys. been ignoring the blog for so long! Been busy with Finals the other weeks. Well, Im back from the hiatus and now... Im in Sabah, Kota Kinabalu for a field trip + holiday.

Will be going to kundasang! I can't wait for it! :)

Anyway.... please take care everyone.

Leaving u guys a special poem i wrote last week... "Perempuan Ini"

aku rasa otak ini celaru

dengan segala apa yang dimahu

letak bulan purnama didepan

selalu saja aku elakkan

aku tak bisa untuk merasakan

apa ertinya cinta

mungkin juga aku keliru

dengan apa yang aku mahu

perempuan-perempuan yang dimata

antara perempuan yang terlihat

seolah-olah memahami aku disini

namun ku rasakan perempuan tidak mengerti

seperti mereka cuba mengorek jantung

satu persatu isi dalam hati ini

ingin membuka tirai yang tertutup

yang takut, yang hampa dan yang lemah

tapi kemahuanku cuma satu

aku ingin yang tahu

yang jujur, yang ikhlas

bukan semata rupa berhias

mungkin belum masanya untukku...

mungkin sulit untuk dimengertikan hati dan jiwa aku...

bukan hanya kerana aku perlukan perempuan...

tetapi kerana aku cintakan perempuan...

Langit Biru

2009-10-17T16:05:00.000+08:00

"Kosongnya hati, pabila kau berlalu... mungkin itu yang terbaik. Jiwa kini berantakan, memikirkan kesepian. Usah kau kembali, mengharap pada sayang yang sudah hilang, kerna aku sudah membuang jauh ke dasar api. Amarahnya terhadap kau dustakan aku begitu tinggi harganya."

Yang berterbangan dilangit biru
Itulah kertas dulu
Yang terlalu lama ku tunggu
akhirnya pulangnya rindu

"Mungkin cinta adalah permainan pada engkau. sandiwara berbalik dua persegi dunia, kau lafazkan, kau tinggalkan. semuanya mungkin salahku terlalu memaksa, namun ku sedari, kau telah berkasih, ku terasa ini semuanya satu kesalahan. mungkin aku bukan untukmu, mungkin aku tidak lahir untuk mencintai. terasa mati hati dijiwa lara ini. sebuah sentuhan dan belaian yang ku inginkan terasa kejauhan akhirnya."

Imaginasi aku
telah menjadi kesilapan
Merobek celah-celah hati
sehingga terluka begitu parah

"aku mungkin kan mencuba untuk ceria. hilangnya aku yang dulu. hilangnya aku yang peramah. hilangnya aku yang bersosial. hilangnya aku yang suka senyum. adakah aku mengubah pendirianku semata engkau... makin kabur penglihatanku dari sisi ini, semakin ku rasakan kebencianmu yang mendalam terhadapku, semakin aku rasakan lebih jauh dari kekejamanmu... mungkin nafas semalam tersekat. aku perlu mencari nafas yang lebih tenang dari semua permandangan ini. ingin ku lari jauh-jauh tanpa melihat sebarang cela sikit pun, tanpa ada duka melarakan, tanpa ada sukarnya berbicara, tanpa aku rasa emosi lagi. Cuba tenangkan dibibirku ini. Singkirkan segala gundah."

Aku terasa ingin kembali pada aku yang dulu.
Namun ku takkan tunggu lagi hari ini.
Puasnya hidup kalau dapat abaikan rasa benci.
Mungkin biarkan aku jadi begini lebih baik dari kesepian.

Kabuskan mata

2009-10-17T16:04:00.000+08:00

Yang ku harapkan cuma ini,
kau lepaskanlah... dan teruskanlah kehidupanmu.
Dan aku kan jalani hidup ini dengan sepuasnya sampai masa menjemput.

Oh dunia. Kabuskan mataku. Kaburkan mataku. Biarkan aku terjaga lagi. Semua ilusi akan mati.

Where you and i belong

2009-10-17T16:03:00.001+08:00

The place,
The hideous life,
That's where i met you...

The darkest,
The secret,
That will never be told...

The time,
The love,
The misses,
That's where you and i belong...

Just hold on to the conversation,
It'll get deeper and better,
I'll be yours one day too.

Mimpi Semalam

2009-10-13T07:43:00.000+08:00

Mimpi semalam.

Teringat zaman kecil, main tembak-tembak dengan abang-abang, adik.

Tersekat nafas.
Tersekat jantung.
Tersekat udara.

Yang terhasil,

kerinduan terhadap manusia yang disayangi begitu tinggi nilainya.

punyai $100 juta pun akan menjadi tidak guna kalau hati tetap kosong.

Percayalah. Mati itu wujud.
Pandang alam ini, lihat keadaannya.
Hati aku bukan disini lagi.

Takkan Merinduimu

2009-10-13T07:42:00.000+08:00

Setelah puas ku korbankan
Apa yang tinggal hanyalah kenangan
Padam saja sayang itu
Semua kau mungkiri dulu

"Aku teringat tentang bulan dan bintang, seperti air yang wujud dalam mata, teresak-esak aku lahirkan, namun secebis pun kau tidak mengerti sakitnya dihati ini, rasa kecewa yang menghimpit jiwa, dan aku takkan pernah merinduimu lagi..."

Akhirnya
Ku bisakan perasaan itu lari
Jauh dari keringat kini
Setelah segala kau bawa pergi

Seolah malam dan siang tak mampu menyatu
Puas sudah hancurnya semua didepan mata
Ku berjanji lagi
Takkan merinduimu... selamanya.

Musim akan membawa aku kembali kepangkuan ilahi.

Jahatkah?

2009-10-06T03:58:00.000+08:00

jahatkah aku bila aku melepaskan kau pergi,
semua ini tuk dirimu berbahagia dengan yang lain,
jahatkah aku bila aku berkata-kata kasar,
agar kau tak lagi ingat padaku dan kecewa lagi,

jahatkah aku sampai rakan-rakanmu memandangku
seolah-olah aku ini manusia paling hina,
jahatkah aku sehingga rakan-rakanmu memikirkan
aku inilah yang membuatkan kau sengsara,

jahatkah aku kerana cuma ingin kau lebih bebas,
jahatkah aku jika mahu melihat kau lebih bahagia,
jahatkah aku semata-mata mahu memberi kau lebih jelas,
jahatkah aku hanya ingin kau membuka mata,

adakah aku insan paling jahat dimata kau dan sahabat-sahabatmu,
adakah aku insan paling hina itu,
adakah aku insan yang begitu keji,
sehingga sanggup kau fikir aku ini kurang ajar.

Dengarlah,
semua ku lakukan hanya tuk melihat kau
lebih bahagia,bebas,bernafas dan ceria
bersama mereka dan si dia yang kau lebih cintai,
dan bukannya untuk menyeksa dalam permainan yang kau anggap
ku ciptakan,

dan mengertilah,
insan yang paling menderita saat ini ialah aku.
Itu kau tidakkan pernah memahami segalanya.

Dari Sisi

2009-10-06T03:57:00.000+08:00

Bayangan semalam
sudah melarakan kita
tertutupnya sebuah emosi
untuk merelakan dikau pergi

campak saja cinta ini
ke dasar angin yang tinggi
rindu ada datang dan pergi
namun luka tak bisa terpadam lagi

sudah masa ku berikan
kata maaf dirayu
akhirnya semua itu terabai olehmu
yang merasakan aku ini diam

kau takkan pernah
cuba untuk mengerti
tentang hakiki
sebenarnya diri ini

biarkan.
lepaskan.
akhirkan.
jauhkan.
segalanya dariku.

pergilah saja dari sisi
ku tak mahu disini
memandang lagi
segala kau dihati

Hold Tight

2009-10-06T03:56:00.000+08:00

Quiet, its you
who speaks the truth
Spreading the believe
I'm not gonna hide

Its the time
where i should let you go
the pain in my heart
i need a transplant

If this situation still the same
i don't know what else could be
My heart that ache
Forever I'm gonna be

What is left in the oven
Its for you to have
i can't say no more
if this what you want

I'm so sick, dying
for your forgiveness
If the attention i need
is making you hate me more
then nothing i could have done

This is my final wish
before you say anything
I'll let you know one thing
I've forgive for everything
you have done to me...

The smoke in my cigarette
Nobody can feel the air
as if the moment sweeps us away
but it's all a lie
That you thought i create

can't force you no more
can't have you anymore
won't push no more
hold tight baby, I'm gonna let you go for the last time.

updated love.

2009-09-12T03:11:00.002+08:00

Bulan takkan merindukan sahabatnya jika hati sudah berkubur.

i need a shoulder. yours should be fine.

Jangan secelit pun kau kembali. Jangan secubit pun kau datang. Aku tak mampu merenung wajahmu lagi untuk sesaat dan selamanya.

aku takkan menunggumu dimalam ini, dan biarkan siang menjelma lagi, kerana asmara sudahku lepaskan, biarkan bintang kesepian, biar ia kelam, sepertiku disini.

ku lepas kan kau pergi. jangan kembali. jangan pulang. jangan mencari. pergilah kau bersama bintang. akhiri semua malam ini. aku tak kan menganggu lagi... maafkan.

Tahukah perasaan begini sememangnya begitu lemah?

I hope one day you will realize of all the things you've done. I hope God will show you the real road for you that you have not taken yet. I hope that you will change for the better and not for the worst, I hope the every best in you and I know ...that now you just wanna have some fun but remember that fun could create hurt into your future. I also wish you the love, patience and happiness in future. GoodLuck Friend!

- my FB status update. urgh.

It Takes Me Higher.

2009-09-10T04:37:00.000+08:00

When finally I felt acknowledged for the first time in the dream, I keep saying this in my soul 'don’t ever take it for granted', for the first time in my life, I felt so happy. Even in my sleep, I’m smiling deeply in heart, Butterflies keep blossoming in my stomach, the truth about me is now the more I shine, and the more I feel inside, it is like having a tumor in your head, when you are waiting for it to pop, it is something I called love. I cried, I bleed and I smiled, the pain of not knowing the truth does kill me inside, but in time, I learnt to value, honor and be grateful for, it teaches me that no matter how hard you try, never keep backing off, eventually it worth the ass when you already reach the part of hurting yourself.

I earned so many things in life that I tend to disbelief and keep ignoring it, Later on, I realized it is not worth it without somebody to share with, In the meantime, I’m still searching for my other half, As I know love won't let me down a bit. Yes, it takes you no time to fall in love and it does take you years to know what love all about is. And of course, being able to utter things does make me feel great, but what it is all about when you don't even know what to say, to do or to identify, it is something you have got to discover out before the time ends tick-tock-inn, like a bird sing the song on the tree or the flowers flourishing in the morning.

I much comprehend life now when I see people walking out to their life, staring at the sky and when they sleep in the night. It is about getting ready for something you want or something you wish for. Sometimes, in life, you have to be strong and stable; you can’t give up things easily even you have failed so many times before. You have to take the risk, to know the consequences of the risk. You will never know what could be the answer as you keep delaying the matters. And I think now, I’m much of a risk taker person as I love being challenged by myself so that I will never regret of not knowing things beyond my expectation and acquaintance. I could be terrible, but I choose to be impartial because in life, you can’t expect people to like you every time.

I love the feeling of being able to recognize people, the feeling of captivating chances and never feel guilty being by, as the moment I touch down my heartache, I always pray to God that I’m still able to reach my delight time, without worrying about my soaring ages in the world that keep turning upside down with the whole things going on in the region of the places I’ve been or not. I will never erase every moment I had in the past, today and the future I’m living in even though; I’m starting to forget things slowly without my willingness. And sometimes I speculate what if I leave this all behind, will I be disappointed or will I still be happy? What would the answer be? And now, I’m starting to look things in the clearer space and better surface so that I won’t be a judgmental person anymore.

As now, I feel the love, patience, philosophy and happiness that God have given me, with all the concern and heartbeat, I feel better as time goes by, without I know that there's more to life outside the line.

I assume that I’m a thinker and I just want to share my reflection about my life and others for the time now.

Semakin Rapuh

2009-09-10T04:35:00.002+08:00

Kadang-kala aku rasa aku lupa dengan kawan-kawan aku.
Tapi sebenarnya tidak.

Cuma aku banyak masalah.
Masalah dikampus ini.
Jendela yang banyak pilihannya membutakan hatiku.

Aku semakin rapuh.
Namun sisi lainku kebalkan jiwaku.

Aku sudahpun membuang secelit perasaan benci.
Pada semua insan.

Aku ini manusia lemah.
Yang mahukan yang biasa-biasa sahaja.

Namun apa kan daya,
Aku tak mampu puaskan hati semua orang.

Kawan-kawanku,
Maafkan aku.

Seandainya masih ada sayang itu,
ucapkanlah.

Don't force me, Won't force you.

2009-09-10T04:34:00.002+08:00

I won't force you to leave me.
And I don't even want to force you to stay with me.

You can't force me to leave you.
You can't force me to stay with you.

You and me have no difference.
We used to be one.
We used to be there.

You can't force too much to mend a heart.
And I can't force us to be in something we don't belong.

Don't force too much if the thing doesn't belong to you anymore.

I'll let you go.

2009-09-10T04:34:00.001+08:00

I'll let her go,
I won't let her go,
I have to let her go,

I can't let her go,
I can let her go,
I don't...
want to let her go,

If what you need to say is that you need to leave...
then leave.

I'll let you go.

August Rush

2009-08-27T11:06:00.002+08:00

I will just summarized my august moments as this month is the most hectic month ever!

- Keluar masuk court UiTM (Case: AJK MASPENA dituduh Meragging budak)) <- which is not true at all.
- Had a miscommunication with my friends.
- Almost being quaraintined because of my high fever... H1N1. WTF?!
- Tons of assignment and projects!
- Quit being an exco and the rest of the exco also quit!
- ETR.. ETR...
-Tension...
-Duit keluar macam air.
- Tension tak dapat subsidi makanan. sedih kan?
- Me n my level mates always cook for sahur... :)

Ok. Thats it

Daaa...

Happy Fasting!

2009-08-21T23:19:00.003+08:00

Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan To All.

Publicist

2009-07-21T20:44:00.002+08:00

And now im the new Publicity Exco for my course society. I and firna switched our portfolio designation as she will be the new Special Task Exco for this semester!

Hooray. I will lead the Publicity board and rock the society with news and juiciest story ever!
I also got myself an assistant for the post, Arina, a part 3 student will be helping me out for this whole semester running!

That's it.

:)

Im leaving you.

2009-07-10T02:23:00.000+08:00

Yes. It's the time again. Im leaving you all. Take Care and lots of love from me. Will update more when i reach there.

Tc.

xoxo

CNN

2009-07-08T03:24:00.001+08:00

Bye, Allahyarham Mikael Abdullah (Michael Jackon).

maybe Allah S.W.T bless you in your death.

Take Care!

kerjayalah

2009-07-07T15:49:00.000+08:00

bz shooting sana sini. going off starting friday. finally. :)

Pagi-Pagi

2009-07-06T09:30:00.000+08:00

In the office. Going to Nikko Hotel in 15 Minutes for cover shooting. :)

Kurus

2009-07-05T03:48:00.001+08:00

I need to slim down to 10kg atleast.

i cant wait to stop eating all of the food.

have to repay one day of fasting. :)

Yesterday Streetstyle.

2009-07-05T03:45:00.001+08:00

via (http://klstreetstyle.tumblr.com)

Love Like Mad

2009-07-02T00:25:00.003+08:00

A Lot Like Love.

2009-07-01T23:31:00.005+08:00

a beautiful love, a guy chased a girl,
a girl accept him and they be forever together.
I see the big picture of them,
but how about me?
when will the time come for me...?
that's the question i can't never answer.

wear mine

2009-07-01T03:07:00.000+08:00

I hear them say
those words are hanging through
And i said, no worry no worry
because it's just a pain to go through

I got myself a hello
in the evening that color bright me
i got no one to be
like like you care

and and and i
just want to love someone like you
and to make you mine
is it possible
because i know it is funny

like like the kids
like the momma said 'that's hurt'
but that's life, you gotta bear with it
no no no, i will try someday

you wear the picture
like it was just yesterday
when we were still together
in those lovely summer

let's hear them say this
"you two so perfect together'
one day they will
cause they know we are so cute
like cat and mice

copyright - zayn

What's you?

2009-06-30T03:20:00.002+08:00

Im sorry, i really want to be with you so badly til i want to choke myself up. I really need to be with you, who accept me the way i am and the complicated life im living in.

I just wanna hold your hand and say I love you when i meant it and Never say goodbye because i know i'll be meeting you everyday.

Im just a hopeless guy in love. I don't need someone to adores me but someone who will love me like the way i am.

because im wondering, what's life without love? what's me without you?

- ever fallen in love.

Changeling

2009-06-28T06:24:00.004+08:00

People change themselves early January, i start mine in June, end of June perhaps. Oh, perhaps, my resolutions have made it changes too now.

I'll be someone you don't expect me to be anymore, i won't be the same. I'm on my changeling moment right now. If yesterday i was at a down tunnel but today, I'm at the top tunnel. I won't let people easily hurts my feeling anymore. I wont let anyone touch me easily like they used to do. I won't let people look down on me. I won't let people stare at me like I'm some kind of a moron or some kind of a jerk. I won't let my best friends down. I want to change some status of my best friends into just friends. Some of them are listed, some aren't. I won't take my words back. I won't be too nice to everyone so that people couldn't step over my head . That's the new me, the old me - just died yesterday.

I won't take any hard feelings anymore on criticism. I won't led. I won't be your guidance of angel no more. If you think you are nice, then I'll be nice to you too. If you are some kind of psycho or bitch/bastard, sorry, you won't be in my best friends circle anymore. I had enough of those crap, I need to be mature enough to see who's my friends and who's not. Eventually, i already see the big picture. I see myself getting better and greater without those kind of friends.

I just need the access to be what i want and not what they wish. If you can't accept for whom i am, then don't bother knowing me at a glance of chance, I'll be happy with living my life like this. I just want to be myself for the fucking real time, if you're not happy with me, don't ever make me living like a hell, no point of doing that so.

What i want and need now is just a few things that will make my life easier, better and fun, also happy is... first, i think I'm ready for a real relationship with a girl. Second, i need to focus on my priority which is my work, my passion and my heart. Third, I'm gonna get serious with this music world i intend to be in, i wanna be a successful lyricist one day. Lastly, find the girl who knows how to handle me and play with my maze; I'm a very complicated person with myself and sometimes i couldn't make up my mind and decision(you should know that girl). That's it. I'll be updating more if i have some add-on.

I hope this new resolutions and the new me make you guys clear and suit with the situation right now and forever. And I offer you my deeply apology if I've ever make anyone of you feel bad and worst at the time. I'm no angel, I'm just a human being too, I made mistakes. And again, I'm sorry and couldn't help this night gets me so hype in changing myself.

I love you, people.

Thanks for all the morale and love support. I'll remember that til my last breathe.

Take Care.

xoxo

Nuta Chenta

2009-06-25T01:52:00.002+08:00

"You didn’t love her;
you don’t destroy the people you love."

"If you haven’t cried, your eyes can’t be beautiful. — Sophia Loren"

"I don’t care about your past, all I wanna know is

if there is a place for me in your future."

my favorite quote of love.

Too Soft?

2009-06-23T00:42:00.002+08:00

Im not allow to cry just because im a guy?
Im not allow to express my feelings because im a guy?

what is the useful of tears then?

I wanna cry, but my heart just won't let me to do so.

urgh!

New Needs

2009-06-22T12:10:00.002+08:00

Next semester needs;
1) DSLR D60
2) 3 in 1 printer
3) Nokia E63
4) Suspender
5) New slack from Pull & Bear
6) Jeans From Badger
7) White collar shirt from Padini
8) Boxers...

and lastly...

9) new pair of flip flop.

thats all.

=)

Lebih Jelas

2009-06-20T02:46:00.000+08:00

Alam,
Aku manusia biasa,
Jangan bawa dia pergi,
Kan nanti aku tangisi...

Bulan,
Katakan sahaja,
Bahawa dia masih wujud...

Mentari,
Bawakan aku mata,
agar bisa dia melihat...

aku dengan lebih jelas.

Karya Zayn.

Cari Jalan Hati

2009-06-20T02:39:00.001+08:00

akan aku cari jalan
sedang nelihat dunia berputar
enaknya mereka bersama
terasa dingin aku dimata

akan aku cari jalan
untuk menemui cintaku
kala malam membisik sesuatu
angin melayang diudara itu

akan aku cari jalan
untuk memiliki ruang waktu
mencapai segala dibenak otak
sehingga terbernas diluarannya

akan aku cari jalan
bagaimana untuk menanti
kenali erti setia
ajari perasaan sayang

bila ku temui jalan itu
aku kan tahu kaulah perawan itu
yang bermain di legar laman
hatiku...

karya Zayn.

Juni Ini

2009-06-20T02:38:00.000+08:00

Juni Ini
Takdir merekah ke atas aku
Yang buruk dan baik jua hadir
Ada kala tersentap bibir

Juni Ini
Aku merasakan kekosongan
Kerana bagian dari hidupku
Telah lenyap dibawa awan biru

Saat siang berganti malam
Saat minit berganti jam
semuanya telah berubah
manusia jua berubah

Mentari di ufuk sana
Akan kibar satu masa
Aku tunggu semua itu
bagi merasa panasnya dosa dunia

Juni Ini
Harapan tinggal impian
Segalanya sudah tiada
Yang tinggal hanyalah memori

Juni Ini
Sungguhnya
Aku berharap ada dia disisi
Namun hati ini masih kosong
Tanpa sebarang isinya...

Karya Zayn

Hati Kering

2009-06-19T01:37:00.002+08:00

Hati itu sudah kering
Mengenangkan cinta yang tiada
Apa kan daya
Semuanya telah terbang

Ada nikmat
lalu dilepaskan saja
Bila sepi
ternangis-nangis

Mahukan cinta
sudah terlambat
Dia berlalu dengan si dia
kau termenung membalut

Cuba ingat
saat dia kejar kau
Bila dia rasa mahu
dan kau tak mahu

Dan kini kau rasai
apa yang dia rasai
terdahulu kala
punyai hati serupa
bagai kau kini

karya Zayn.

Kucupan Terakhir

2009-06-17T02:40:00.002+08:00

Bibir mungilmu pernah ku kucup,
Tubuh lenggangmu pernah ku peluk,

itu hanya dahulu,
telah ku sedar dari lamunan,

kau hanya bayang asmara,
yang hadir...
dari kenangan lama.

Urat Benih

2009-06-17T01:11:00.004+08:00

aku kata keluar
kau kata tak mahu
aku kata bencinya
kau kata tak malu
aku kata tak faham bahasa?
kau kata sayang

aku kata kau gila
kau kata kau cinta
aku kata tak rindu
kau kata kau tetap rindu

aku kata hambarlah kau
kau kata tak mengapa
aku kata stop it lah
kau kata mahu cuba

aku kata siapa suruh
kau kata suka hatilah
aku kata jangan
kau kata nak

aku kata tak nak
kau kata mari rasa
aku kata tak tahan dengan perangai kau
kau kata maaf, mahu tunggu

aku dah bosan
dengan
semua katamu
hentikanlah
hentikanlah
segala benih
yang ada dihatimu.

Under My Skin

2009-06-16T00:43:00.000+08:00

I hesitate to say I was bait for you
Could that be something that you all would do?
I'd be lying if I did now say I wasn't intrigued
But timing is everything here, and for the moment the "we" is reprieved
But, as I watch the girl unfold before my eyes, I discover
That I like her

Would you please get out from under my skin?
'Cause I can't begin this yet
And I don't know what my intentions are
They're speaking in a different tongue
And deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem
But I won't let you know
Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance
And you should go

I'm in the dance, and it's a chance
But stay and watch awhile
I'll be singing a tune just for you with a smile
And maybe, if I'm lucky
You'll tip your hat to me, and you'll discover
That you like her

Would you please get out from under my skin?
'Cause I can't begin this yet
And I don't know what my intentions are
They're speaking in a different tongue
And, deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem
But I won't let you know
Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance
And you should go

Crazy as it all plays out
I think I'm lonelier than I've ever been before
'Cause I was so close
To going through that door
But I don't want to be to blame for them
I don't want to be to blame

Oh, would you please get out from under my skin?
'Cause I can't begin this yet
And I don't know what my intentions are
They're speaking in a different tongue
And, deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem
But I won't let you know
Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance, and you should go
Oh, would you please get out
I'm not as strong as I seem, but I won't let you know

Rachael Yamagata

Passing By

2009-06-13T15:01:00.003+08:00

People called home as a place for family,
I call home as a place for business.

some bestfriends shouldnt be called as bestfriends,
because they are not meant to be one.

when you're down,
let it be because you yourself knows you better.

over and over

2009-06-13T01:29:00.001+08:00

i just want to be loved.
i just want to love someone.
that's all.

Pasrah

2009-06-12T01:48:00.001+08:00

Aku pasrah.
Aku kecewa.
Tiada apa yang dapat merasakan.
Aku mahu lari.
Penyesalan yang bodoh.
Benciku.
Pada diriku.
Benciku.
Pada hari jadiku.
Semua telah tersurat.
Aku fikir aku nak berhenti sahaja.
Macam bodoh je belajar.

So, 50-50 aku akan kembali ke uitm.

ciao~

Heartless...

2009-06-10T01:18:00.004+08:00

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so cold?
As the winter wind when it breeze yo
Just remember that you talkin' to me though
You need to watch the way you talkin' to me though

I mean after all the things that we've been through
I mean after all the things we got into
Hey yo, I know of some things that you ain't told me
Hey yo, I did some things but that's the old me

And now you wanna get me back and you gon' show me
So you walk around like you don't know me
You got a new friend, well I got homies
But in the end it's still so lonely

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

How could be so Dr. Evil?
You're bringin' out a side of me that I don't know
I decided we wasn't goin' speak so
Why we up 3 a.m. on the phone?

Why does she be so mad at me for?
Homie, I don't know, she's hot and cold
I won't stop, won't mess my groove up
'Cause I already know how this thing go

You run and tell your friends that you're leavin' me
They say that they don't see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon' see
You'll never find nobody better than me

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

Talkin', talkin', talkin' talk
Baby let's just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you

So I got somethin' new to see
And you just gon' keep hatin' me
And we just gon' be enemies

I know you can't believe
I could just leave it wrong
And you can't make it right
I'm gon' take off tonight
Into the night

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so heartless?

Heartless... am i? maybe i am, maybe i am not.

I wish you love

2009-06-09T21:08:00.001+08:00

I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love

And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
And more than wealth

I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best

I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best

My very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love.

*Rachael Yamagata

My Favorite Game...

2009-06-09T02:43:00.006+08:00

you know i have always play this game with
my friends and everyone. It is always about my ****.

Ok ok, this time, i have something coming up,
i want you to spot something, what is the similar things
between me n hugh dancy. ok? let's roll your eyes....

so guess it! tell me the answer!

Erin Turn 20!

2009-06-08T03:59:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIN ADLINA

MAY ALLAH BLESS YOUR LIFE, FUTURE
AND BEST IN EVERYTHING YOU DO.

GO GEMINI GIRL. =D

Happy... Should i?

2009-06-07T01:32:00.000+08:00

so, what did i do yesterday?
11.30am - was at Afi's while waiting for my twin cousin.
12.00pm - went to food foundry, pj to had our lunch there
(noted:Afi, Aida, Akhim, Amir, Eena, Jo, Ji and obviously, me.)
3.00pm - separate ways at Afi's. I followed my cousin,
Ji went back to his place before heading to OU.
4.15pm - one utama. lepak.
5.00pm - walk walk, suddenly, i had my eyes glued at this girl.
my type kind of girl, Yuna's hijab style, curvy like vaneesa szhor, white, fashionable and her eyes... lovely...
but...
i dont even know her :(

and
i really wanna know her because it'll make me happy
to talk to my kind of girl that i'd really go for.

and now...
im gonna find her :)
how?
search through FB or Myspace.
one by one. It will take hours by then.
For her, i'll do something crazy to get her.

*really feel regret because i didnt go and get her number*

I want but I can't

2009-06-06T04:58:00.003+08:00

love is a wonderful journey, i must say.
I've been into love for quite sometimes.
I wanna be in love again,
without pain and fights anymore.

I wanna be in love,
with someone who understand me,
not with someone who knows me.

I wanna be in love again,
can i?,
because im too committed with my works,
so i think i can't be in love for quite some times now.

But I want to be in love
and
to feel it again.

The feeling loving someone
and
the feeling being loved by someone.

The question is
Who is the girl i should love?
I haven't found any.
Need to find but
im too scared of the rejection.

Im just an old fashioned guy,
who will be a straight forward person,
rather than playing games.

you want me,
i want you,
that's enough.

I want but i can't.

But...

Im gonna change that can't to will.

Maybe soon. Soon enough for me to discover.

I want and I will,
I must say Love is a great feeling forever.

.salam.

Bosanova

2009-06-05T20:51:00.001+08:00

sangat bosan
dipejabat.

kena siapkan juga
kerja bulan 7 - 12.

sangat bosan.

tiada rakan muda-mudi.

Kata Aku

2009-06-04T01:00:00.003+08:00

oh, aku dalam proses perubahan,
untuk menjadi modal insan,
itulah mahuku impian,
agar sentiasa dirahmati oleh-Nya.

oh, aku tak peduli lagi,
mereka kata keji,
mereka kata perli,
mereka kata caci,

lantak lah,
hidup aku cara aku lah,
kalau tak suka cara perubahan aku ini,
jangan kawan lah,
simpan je semua kenangan indah itu,

aku aku aku,
tetap sama macam aku yang dulu,
dari segi sikap, perangai, gaya bahasa,
sudah lain lah,
tak macam dulu lagi,
macam yang bisa kau pijak-pijak,
tertawa-tawakan.

lawak?
kampung?
tak hebat?
tak trendy?

lantak lah,
aku fikir yang kekal disana,
bukan didunia yang sementara,
macam kau yang tak pernah sedar langsung,
maaf,
itulah kau.

mintak pendapat,
ku berikan,
mintak ajar,
ku tunjukkan,
mintak hormat,
ku berikan,
mintak nasihat,
ku ceritakan.

aku syukur kerna Allah s.w.t. uji aku diwaktu aku membesar,
aku syukur kerna Allah s.w.t. pelihara aku sentiasa dan selamanya,
aku syukur kerna Allah s.w.t. sayang aku,
aku syukur kerna Allah s.w.t. bagi aku peluang untuk berubah...

harapnya,
kau pun sama ye kawan.
sama-samalah kita insaf kerna Allah s.w.t. sentiasa menyayangi hambanya,
Allah s.w.t. sentiasa buka pintu langit untuk kita bertaubat,
kau nak jadi superstar ke apa ke, jadilah,
yang penting, ingat yang di-Atas.

salam.

*tiada kaitan dengan sesiapa pun oke!*

Hargailah...

2009-06-02T03:11:00.004+08:00

kadang-kala manusia alpa dengan apa yang mereka telah miliki dan punyai,
kadang-kala manusia tidak reti untuk menghargai apa yang mereka punyai,
kadang-kala mereka langsung tidak pernah bersyukur dengan apa yang mereka punyai,
kadang-kala mereka tidak merasa puas,
mahu lebih lagi,
untuk merasa mereka telah punyai semuanya.

sayangnya,
mereka lupa,
yang di-Atas,
Di Atas memberi satu, Dia menarik satu.
Tuhan Maha Adil.
Dia beri sesuatu, dia ambil sesuatu.
Mungkin kita masih tak sedar,
ada diantara kita kehilangan sesuatu sebenarnya.

carilah, jangan disampai satu masa,
rasa sesal itu muncul menyelubung diri,
kehilangan sememangnya tak indah
tetapi cuba hargai apa yang ada dihadapanmu selama ini.

salam.

02062009

Celebrity Mode with me

2009-06-01T14:07:00.003+08:00

mila & me

amber chia & me

maya karin & me

me & kris dayanti

me & erra fazira

me & dato' siti nurhaliza

me & dayang nurfaizah

Janji Manismu

2009-06-01T03:37:00.001+08:00

I was this...

2009-06-01T03:19:00.003+08:00

young and innocent back then...

but now everything has changed to...

ya Allah, so many changes and yet still doing the same mistake i am... insyaAllah, i can change to something better... on my way...

poem - seribu

seribu langkah ku capai
sehingga lelah takkan pernah hadir
seribu tangan ku genggam
sehingga takkan terputus persahabatan

seribu kata cuba ku luah
sehingga berhenti kata-kata kesat
seribu cara ku rasakan
sehingga diri benar-benar insaf

seribu hari mungkin ada
sehingga aku benar-benar mengerti
tentang hidup dan jalan ini
buka haluan untuk kembali
bukan mundur seperti
anak-anak setan dijalanan

I Love Susan Boyle!

2009-06-01T02:59:00.001+08:00

me!

2009-06-01T02:35:00.002+08:00

Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

its what i want right now...

2009-05-31T04:22:00.002+08:00

and what i want to be someday...

next week: busy me!

2009-05-31T03:08:00.002+08:00

i'll be busy starting on monday... have to settle all the cover shooting for the magazine and ofcourse, i have to find clothes for the shooting... plus im gonna get Fazura for my cover shoot, insyaAllah. only if she is free. Trying to get Liyana Jasmay, Nora Danish... who else do you guys have in mind, why not share it with me...

i dont know whether to get datin natasha hudson or not... she's way too pretty and nothing new abt her kan? just a waste for the magazine if i get her... hmm... amy mastura should be nice... Amy Mastura, Nora Danish and Norish Karman... three different zaman kan? oh, Maizurah Hamzah... lama tak dengar her story lah... might get her too! I miss those memory having to shoot with Amber Chia, Maya Karin and Kris Dayanti, they are just so cool and nice ladies... and still thinking!!!

on the 9th june, im off to Nivea Visage Launching at Jaya 33 with my freelance friend photographer, Kicap or better known as DJ KICHAP SOYA. haha. i gave him that name. DJ.
Well, what else huh? I think im the workaholics person because i dont like to think about relationship or so on, ive fall in love with my job and its destined by the Above, Allah. I guess im better off with being single and just committed with my job, kan? Don't you think so...

Oh, i cant wait for gossip girl season 3 to come out la... been bored at home not knowing what to do except sleeping, watching dvd and astro. bored. mmm, btw, i just bought my laptop charger. yahoo! can on9 like anytime because its been a week since i returned back my laptop charger to my cousin mum because i lost my charger on the last day of my stay at uitm. fuck kan? it is ok, let say what will happen to that person who stole my charger...

i wanna eat pancake, waffle and ice-cream now, anyone willing to spend them for me? nah, just joking... i could just take a cab and eat them at one utama. Tonite(sunday), my cousins, Jojo & Jiji will be having a party for their 20th birthday celebration, the theme is boys in jeans, girls in party dress. Im feeling like i dont want to go but my friends insist me to go since many of my friends is going... argh, i hate when people forced me to do something i dont want but heck, its fine... bagi muka... hehehe... but you know what, on my birthday, i want to sleep all day long... its the best present ever. yes. it will be. =]

ive been listening to songs that i lost when i reformat my laptop last months... ive downloaded them like fuck, banyak sangat to download, nasib i remember all the songs... still have more songs to download... =|

stop here first, leave u with a poem that i just wrote...

Jiwa adalah aku
dalam sanubari aku
hanya lahir untuk kamu
untuk selamanya berdua

Hati adalah kita
milik bersama
kisah yang takkan sempurna
menanti untuk disatukan

Rindu adalah kamu
yang sentiasa inginkan bisikan
asmara yang tersimpan
didalam kalbu untuk dinyatakan

Cinta adalah kita
hanya kita tuannya
takkan ada yang lain
bisa mencuri apa yang kita punyai
sehingga terhenti nafas
itulah yang kita harungi selama ini

Zainal Afnan

dead & bored.

2009-05-30T20:21:00.000+08:00

Im dead bored now. seriously. sometimes i think workday is much better than weekend!

Do You Realize?

2009-05-30T04:32:00.000+08:00

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize

- The Flaming Lips

Daku Bertahan

2009-05-23T00:26:00.002+08:00

Pernah ketika tidur, bermimpi : dapat cgpa naik ke 3.3o gpa sem 4 naik ke 3.67. entah. nombor itu yg muncul.

kini, daku bertahan di pejabat, merenung laptop macam hantu. kerja sangat banyak. makin hari makin banyak kerja aku. makin banyak majlis kena hadiri. makin banyak duit keluar.
haha. pokai aku camni.

[:

Boys, don't cry - plumb!

sony vaio vs macbook

2009-05-22T00:14:00.002+08:00

zeathabes: hahahaha
zeathabes: xde sapa
zeathabes: laptop aku buat hal lagi ah
zeathabes: tension
ennapuffy puffy: kene virus?
zeathabes: semakin lembab mcm babis
zeathabes: aku asa
ennapuffy puffy: oh..baik gi format cepat2
zeathabes: tu ah aku kdg2 cam nak tuka laptop jer
zeathabes: geram
ennapuffy puffy: hehe..xpela
ennapuffy puffy: bsaba...
ennapuffy puffy: adat la pakai laptop
zeathabes: ahhahaha
zeathabes:
zeathabes: kalau ada rezeki. aku nak angkut macbook
zeathabes: puas hati terus
ennapuffy puffy: hehe
ennapuffy puffy: wahhhhhhhhhh
ennapuffy puffy: nk jugakkkkkkkk
zeathabes: hehhe
zeathabes: tapi aku nak sony vaio
zeathabes: aha
ennapuffy puffy: am..macbook up lagi
ennapuffy puffy: hahaha
zeathabes: tu la
zeathabes: tp harga bai
ennapuffy puffy: hehe
ennapuffy puffy: agak la
ennapuffy puffy: cabut bulu celup mas
zeathabes: tau xpe
zeathabes: bulu konek kumpul2 pun xckup
zeathabes: ahhahahaa
ennapuffy puffy: jajajajajajaj
ennapuffy puffy is typing a message.
ennapuffy puffy: sialllllllll

moral of the story: if you have enough money, just buy a good laptop. Compaq sucks big time!

Masih Jelas

2009-05-20T18:56:00.001+08:00

RM100 was given to me just now by a person that i had shooting. haha
Dapat duit sial.

xo.

Kenapa Bah?

2009-05-18T23:27:00.003+08:00

It's Your Call>>

2009-05-15T18:33:00.003+08:00

Im happy at the moment with all things in my life. I dont think that i want to change anything bit about it. it feels like im home. I dont know for some people... maybe they havent found themself?
i found mine and im gonna be me for the rest of the times....

and currently, i dont know why the hip-hop songs are really pop-ing up like such a crazzy ass in my mind nowadays... so funny how it could be like that... I dont know what to say anymore.. because my life sucks, i dont have any current stories... and oh, yesterday, we went to have this surprise bday for Ji & Jo's. hoho...

they're turning twenty soon!

Im just bored, i just hope my result for my final examination is good because ive been studying like a hell, only my friends in uitm knows how crazy and hard i studied for the examination!

;)

Can't wait to go to holiday with my friends... nak pergi langkawi? anyone? pd? anyone?

haha... MYOB.

xo.

Ok, Im Back

2009-05-13T23:48:00.001+08:00

im back. just back. but not in the mood for something.

kinda stress.

;) hehe

try to overcome it!

It's Over

2009-04-02T21:21:00.001+08:00

It's Over. That's me.

Nothing more to elaborate.

xoxo

Expenses

2009-04-01T22:13:00.002+08:00

Im going crazy. Have to diet. Next semester's coming months soon. Ive start planning things! Final exam is near. Start on 21/4/09 finish on 8/5/09.

21/4- Pad 254: Personnel Admin.
26/4 - Pad 260: Office Management
28/4 - Eco 162: Microeconomic
7/5 - Acc164: Financial Accounting
8/5 - Law245: Malaysia Legal System

Dayum, gotta study hard.

Im coming for a short trip to home, KL.

Flight - 3rd april / 21.50pm kuching - 23.30pm kl
- 6th april / 8.50am kl - 10.30am kuching

that's current news from me.

Im gonna smile even tough i feel so fake, loser and etc about me.

Thats me.

xoxo.

Officially

2009-03-30T22:19:00.001+08:00

not a single person anymore.

xoxo.

Hanya Ada Aku

2009-03-18T16:34:00.000+08:00

ada kala melihat manusia lain bergembira,
aku menjadi pelik, apakah yang menggembirakan mereka?
apakah yang membolehkan mereka sentiasa tersenyum dan
tidak pernah kelihatan sunyi dan sepi sepertiku?

adakah mereka tiada masalah langsung untuk difikirkan,
di usia begini bukankah dugaan dan ujian datang melanda,
adakah hanya mereka menyimpan duka dihati sahaja?
aku tertanya apakah hanya aku sahaja begini?
yang terasa kesepian, kesunyian dan kedukaan?

kenapa manusia lain kelihatan riang tanpa rasa sepertiku?
aku ini manusia kejam, tidak membenarkan hatiku bergembira?
adakah aku ini seperti itu, atau ia berlaku kerana
keadaan sekeliling yang menyeksa?
aku sering tertanya-tanya adakah mereka tiada perasaan dan
adakah hanya ada aku di dunia ini yang tiada perasaan?

ataupun kedukaan dan kesepian hanyalah dongeng semata-mata?
untuk mencurah segala terpendam, tidak dapat diluahkan...
kerana hati dan jiwa masih dibelengu rasa kekosongan...
kenapa yang lain begitu bersahaja dan
hanya aku kelihatan begini?

aku tak mahu menangis sepi,
aku tak mahu menangis sunyi,
kerana aku mahu bahagia,
kerana aku mahu gembira,
segalanya telah ku cuba,
apakan daya tidak terhasil kehendaknya

adakah cuma aku masih tidak membenarkan aku untuk mengerti
erti sayang, cinta, kasih dan gembira?
aku tak pandai mengerti, aku tak bijak meluahkan
kerana aku sangat jahil akan ia
kerana aku sangat bodoh akan ia

aku mahu rasa dicintai dan disayangi,
aku mahu rasa mencintai dan menyayangi,
aku mahu rasa dikasih dan dirindu,
aku mahu rasa mengasihi dan merindui,

tetapi...
aku belum pasti dengan kemahuan aku sendiri,
apakah aku mahu hidup dengan jalan ini,
apakah aku mahu hidup dengan jalan itu,
apakah aku bisa hidup dengan jalan ini,
apakah aku bisa hidup dengan jalan itu,
aku risau akan masa depan,
aku risau akan tentang sekelilingku,
adakah ia akan kekal sebegini ataupun sebaliknya,

persoalannya,
adakah aku mahu atau tidak...
dengan jalan yang harus aku lalui..
yang panjang atau pendek,
yang luas atau sempit,
yang besar atau kecil,
yang bahagia atau sedih,
yang kasar atau lembut,
yang indah atau duka,
yang seronok atau alpa,
yang cantik atau buruk,
yang baik atau jahat,
yang rajin atau malas,
yang ramah atau sombong
yang gembira atau kecewa..

aku masih tiada jawapannya
kerana aku masih kekosongan dihati dan jiwa,
kerana aku masih tidak mengertikah dengan apa dihati,
apa dijiwa sehingga aku tidak tahu untuk membuat keputusan
dan pilihan untuk menghadapi hari esok,
aku takut seandainya kesilapan itu akan berulang dan
memalukan diri sehingga rasa tersisih dan terhanyut
kala hati mahu bahagia...

apakah insan lain pernah berada ditempatku?
merasai segala apa dibenak fikiran dan dadaku,
yang resah sepanjang masa memikirkan persoalan dihati dan
dijiwa tidak bisa terungkap kala malam dan siang berganti
hari dan tahun..

aku bingung..
aku mahu mengejar kenikmatan hidup seperti yang lain,
aku mahu belajar mencintai dan menyayangi sebelum
masa terhenti untuk terakhir kali..
adakah ia akan muncul?
rahsia segalanya ada,
cuma tak terungkap untuk diluah kata yang menjadi
azimat diri sehingga memakan diri takut untuk berada
dipersimpangan jalan yang harus dipilih..

dilemaku dalam kehidupanku..
aku hamba Allah yang hanya kesepian dan kesunyian.

Kotak Fikiran

2009-03-14T17:57:00.001+08:00

ada kata yang bisa berkata,
ada kata yang tidak terkata,
ada kata untuk memuji,
ada kata untuk ditangisi,

bila kata menjadi bisu,
lidah kita terus terkelu,
yang dulu berjanji se-ia sekata,
kini apa-apa pun tiada

bila madah menjadi lukisan,
yang tersimpan,
hanya dikotak fikiran,
yang hanya menanti masa,
untuk dikatakan sehingga diri,
terus teraniyai,
dibuai mimpi

ada pabila hati dan kata tidak bersatu,
menipu untuk kebahagiaan orang lain,
yang hanya diri peroleh hanya kehampaan,
ada pabila diri tertanya mengapa begitu,
tiada siapa dapat menjawab apa di minda,
kerna segalanya ditangan kita

tidak semua dilihat itu indah belaka,
tidak semua disentuh itu manis belaka,
rupa luaran hanya penipuan,
hati dalaman hanya kekosongan,

kamu tidak bisa tahu siapa dia,
kerna dia masih bersembunyi,
menanti masa untuk keluar dari persembunyiannya,
setelah lama menanti,

ada kala kita terlena dibuai,
penipuan dan penghinaan,
orang sekeliling,
yang menyebabkan kita hilang kepercayaan,
yang tingginya rasa terhadap mereka,
mungkin itu semua sandiwara alam,
untuk menjadikan manusia lebih kuat dari biasa.

Hipokrit

2009-03-12T20:39:00.002+08:00

Aku paling benci kawan yang bila dia jadi sangat hipokrit.
Aku tak suka.
Aku tak nak kawan dengan orang yang macam itu.

Tapi nak buat macam mana,
manusia memang begitu,
tak heranlah kenapa dia macam itu,
sebab dia memang dah lama macam itu.

Jadi,
aku nak buat bodoh je,
buat bodoh adalah yang terbaik dari jadi
berperang-perang.

Maka,
Senyap adalah bagus!

Hati Tak Sempurna

2009-03-09T19:17:00.003+08:00

Hati,
yang cuba tulus untuk mencintai,
yang cuba tulus untuk menyayangi,
si dia yang sentiasa disini.

Hati,
yang pernah ingkar,
yang pernah terdusta,
melewati senja.

Hati tak sempurna,
pabila cuba untuk membahagiakan,
pabila cuba untuk mempercayai,
yang dia adalah untukku,

Hati,
milik siapakah?
aku yang rungsing,
siapa harus terpilih,
mungkin tak bisa untuk dikejar,
mungkin hanya bisa untuk mengejar,
itu hatiku.

Hati tak sempurna,
bila kau selalu saja inginkan aku,
bila kau selalu saja mahukan itu,
bila kau selalu saja perlukanku,

tetapi hatiku,
teruntuk siapa?
aku mahu seseorang yang aku sayangi,
kerna aku tak pandai meluah segalanya.

Fashion Through Times

2009-02-25T17:01:00.002+08:00

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HARBOURVIEW HOTEL, KUCHING
RM40
060309
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THANK YOU

Pertama

2009-02-15T17:02:00.002+08:00

Saya telah dipilih menjadi ketua kumpulan untuk program PPKP semester ini bahagian 04. PPKP kali ini bertemakan EXPLORACE/Kembara. Kumpulan saya bernombor 22 iaitu yang terakhir satu batch part 4. Saya dan kumpulan saya bernama Espirit De Corps, Moto kami ialah Go Go Espirit De Corps. Yell kami ialah 'Apa nama kumpulan kita, 22, apa nama kumpulan kita, 22, rasakan kehebatan dan kekuatan, 22, 22'. Saya tahu bunyinya agak bodoh kan? Walaupun dilepaskan terakhir bersama kumpulan nombor 21, kami tetap ceria, Kami dilepaskan tepat pukul 0310minit petang. :)

dan setiap checkpoint kami lalui, dapat pengalaman yang best. kami amatlah lembab, hanya berjalan dan berlari-lari anak! Bila checkpoint terakhir tiba, kami ke U-Floor untuk mencari klu terakhir, KAMI KUMPULAN TERAKHIR YANG SAMPAI KE DJ. lantasnya, kami ke Dewan Jubli untuk penyerahan segala maklumat dan apabila waktu pengumuman pemenang hadiah sagu hati, dari tempat 4 - 22, nama kumpulan kami tidak disebut, maka itu bermakna kami dalam 3 teratas. WHAT THE ITIK kan? Sekali, tempat 3 - kumpulan 18 dengan catatan masa 2 jam 07 minit, tempat ke 2, kumpulan 10 dengan catatan masa 1 jam 58 minit. Kumpulan kami muncul juara, dengan catatan masa 1 jam 56 minit. wohooo!

Tengok teamworks dan ketua nya yang rock and roll so that is why kita orang boleh mendapat no.1 padahal masa mula-mula start lagi kitaorang dah cakap, 'Ni confirm kalah, last kan. takpe, main explorace ni untuk suka-suka jer. hahaha.' sekali menang, memang WHAT THE ITIK ok. :)

Happy teramat!

Masalah cinta pun mendatang. Adoh!, aku tak sengsara, aku tak faham kenapa pompuan kena gaduh disebabkan satu lelaki. ADOIH!.

jawab-jawab!

xoxo

Ada Masa Baca, Ada Mata Fikir

2009-01-31T17:53:00.001+08:00

adakah kita ingat dengan nama jalan,
nama teman dan nama laluan
yang kita sering lalui sepanjang masa?

adakah kita ingat dengan kenangan lalu,
yang membawa kita ke alam kanak-kanak
yang mendewasakan kita seperti hari ini?

adakah kita sedari siapa rakan dan siapa lawan
yang memijak dan membangun bersama kita
di kala senang dan susah sewaktu ketika dahulu?

adakah kita berpijak dibumi yang nyata
apabila kita dilamun asmara yang tak henti
kita puja kala di siang dan malam?

adakah kita mengingati memori bersama
orang tua dimana mereka pernah penat
dan lelah semata-mata kerana kita?

adakah semua yang bermain dibenak fikiran
itu menjadi punca segala pentengkaran yang berlaku
diantara diri dan dia?

adakah sememangnya kita ini seorang yang
memang tidak peduli dengan orang lain
dan membiarkan mereka tenggelam dalam dunia
mereka yang kelam?

adakah kita berani mengambil risiko terhadap
sesuatu yang kita tak pernah tahu akibatnya
demi mempertahankan maruah dan harga diri?

adakah kita bersikap jujur pabila bersama
dia dan dibelakangnya kita mempunyai kisah
yang berbeza yang tak mungkin dia ketahui asal usulnya
sehingga dia terus terlena dalam buaian penipuan kita?

adakah kita hanya mampu terdiam dan tersungkur
apabila menyaksikan anak-anak kecil bergelimpangan darah
di kaca tv tanpa bisa melakukan apa-apa selain berdoa sahaja?

adakah kita tidak mampu memberi kata putus untuk bersendiri
dan bukan berteman dan menyakiti hati yang lain demi
kebahagian diri agar diganggu lagi?

adakah kita sedar hati semakin tua dan kesepian
menanti untuk bercinta lagi dan masih tidak
berjumpa dengan jodoh kerna takdirnya di atas dan
hanya kita terkial-kial bersabar?

atau kita hanyalah takut untuk mempercayai apa yang
dihadapan dan apa yang mungkin terjadi kerana itu kita
langsung sudah tiada kemaafan dan keindahan hidup
yang kita yakin dan rasa punyai selama ini
namun itu semua bergantung kepada kita,
hala tuju kita, ke mana arah dan laluan kita yang makin
berbeza saban hari, arus hidup yang makin meninggi,
kejauhan yang menyebabkan kita lalai dan alpa tentang
mereka yang berada disisi kita selama ini kerna itu,
haruslah kita bersedia menghadapi hari esok dengan
penuh penyesalan dan seribu kehilangan.

apakah semua persoalan ini dapat dijawab dengan
jujurnya andai kata diri masih lagi bertakung ditempat
yang tak dapat kita lari dari masa lampau dan kini?

semuanya ada ditangan dan minda anda.

ada sabda rasullulah berkata, "Barangsiapa menyakiti orang lain,
itu bermakna dia menyakiti diriku, dan barangsiapa
menyakitiku, bermakna dia menyakiti Allah S.W.T.."

satu aku yakin: jika jodoh itu benar-benar milikku,
akan diketemuikan aku dengan si dia yang benar-benar
akan mencintai aku dan keluargaku dengan tiada
rasa kelainan, bahkan menjadikan aku dan keluargaku
sebahagian dari dirinya sendiri dan sanggup hidup
bersama dikala susah dan senang.

kerna jodoh dan keinginan untuk memiliki adalah berbeza.

kau fikirlah.